Dear Rupert Grint,

So, I've decided to write a letter to Rupert Grint and pray that he googles his name on a daily basis. I shall enclose a paragraph just filled with his name and hope it turns up as the first result on googlesearch. Hmm, I might just write out the letter and send it over to Rupert. O as I endearingly call him, Grin-ny.

Rupet Grint
c/o Actual Management Ltd
27 Mortimer Street
London
W1T 3BL
UK

Alternatively,

Rupert Grint
c/o Harry Potter Productions
Leavesden Studios
P.O. Box 3000
Leavesden
Hertfordshire WD25 7LT
United Kingdom

Dear Rupert,

I'm all about location, location, location. So, I thought I'd like to start with a "Where am I on google earth?" link. Oh, i'm Lois by the way. Sorry about that. I sometimes forget about my name when I'm talking about location. Anyhow, this is where I come from--> http://www.maplandia.com/singapore/ <--I'm not a bot, I'm still Lois. Anyhow, I'm from Singapore. So, hello!

Well, and contrary to popular belief, Singapore is not part of China, neither is it attached to Japan and it surely isn't part of Malaysia. (Well, not anymore at least. Post '65 and all.) With all due respect, I'm not doubting your intelligence in any way by telling you just where Singapore is. No, no. I just fear that your agent might be standing behind you, feeding you with inaccurate information about Singapore. So I thought I'd take the liberty in quashing all possible doubts before it escalates into a complete misconception.

I now pause as I have been suddenly hit with an oh-so-horrific-realisation that your agent might be standing behind you reading this letter or worse still, you might not be Rupert at all. In which case, HI MR/MS/MRS AGENT I/C OF RUPERT, I apologise once again for discounting your intelligence in any way. I do not doubt you in any way but I was just wondering if you would be so kind as to let me have tea with Rupert some time.

IF YOU ARE INDEED RUPERT, PLEASE SKIP THE NEXT 3 PARAGRAPHS OF LITERATURE. THANK YOU FOR YOUR KIND CO-OPERATION.

I promise I won't be Yoko and try to break up the Harry Potter trio. No no, IN FACT, I'll be totally with you on this. If Rupert ever just wants to hang out and blow off work, I'll give him the cold shoulder and make him go back to work. SO HONEY, YOU'VE GOT THAT COVERED.

Plus, if Rupert and I ever got together, I'd persuade the Singapore Government to gift me to the United Kingdom. This of course, would strengthen Anglo-Singapore bilateral ties.(which might I add, you mr/ms agent singlehandedly accomplished. I believe this calls for a beam-facing-the-world-cos-its-a-really-proud-moment)

In addition, I have enclosed health records of my parents and myself just so you know we're not dying just yet or have a history of schizophrenia. Whichever may seem to hold a higher priority where the safety/financial status of Rupert is concerned. Please note that all these health records have been fabricated 'cos I couldn't be bothered to call up the hospitals for an appointment. OH, WAIT. I'M KIDDING! I really just needed more words to fill up this paragraph. One line was just not going to cut it.

In any case, this is the paragraph that you should continue reading if you are indeed RUPERT (which I sincerely hope you are) So its me, Lois Goh. Anyhow, I know you're a busy man with loads of fanmail so I've decided to introduce myself in bite sized info. Plus, i've also attached a pre written reply that you can make full use of by choosing the appropriate multiple choice answer. This way, you won't need to waste so much time on little ol' me.

1. My favourite colour is green. However, I really really like yellow too, but only on Saturdays and well, black on Sundays. Please don't judge me. Erm, care for a jellybean?

2. As a girl, I grew up never stepping on any cracks. This has sometimes caused me to take hours just to walk a short stretch. While I've mostly grown out of this bad habit, I sometimes relapse, much to the bane of friends and family; but no, it is not obsessive compulsive disorder(like most people would normally like to self diagnose and associate themselves with just to feel special and significant) I reiterate. It is ONLY A BAD HABIT.

3. I chop off locks of my hair when I'm really sad or really happy and always give the same reason after, oh, I was bored. I change my hairstyle every few months to pretend like I'm some sort of asian enigma.

I'm really just an only child.

Once, when I was 9, I chopped off a substantial amount of my hair and realised that Felicity Porter had done just the same thing following her break up with Ben. (WHY DO I KNOW THIS STILL?) At that time, I believed I was an extraordinary child destined for greatness(since I had had the right sense in cutting my hair, just like someone from the WB network had told felicity) That thought has since been quashed and the author currently resides in sunny singapore with her parents.

We now interrupt this letter with news that the author's birthday is in 2 minutes. If you want to read more, date me Rupert.

Date me.