because i promised

okay, so I promised to update.

HOW TO GET GIRLS 

the non-sleazy, cheap pick up averse way of scoring!

It has come to our attention that a generation of males just don't know how to win a lady's heart anymore. I'm talking epic failure okay. Well, join us today as we seek to uncover nature's secrets (commercial new age music plays in the background. ah, the irony is thick till this point). My name, as you all already know, is Rosemary and I'll be your wonderful Zen DRIVEN host for today =x (I did not just type that, I swear =x)

Stage 1: Wooing

Well, Its really simple. You like her, she likes you and you REALLY REALLY want to make her happy. Don't call, don't text, don't even suggest meeting up with her because really, girls don't want that kind of attention. We are cold blooded creatures that respond to neither attention nor affection. So, guys ought to just not waste their time no? Oh, and when she gives you things because she thinks it'll make you like her more, take it and throw it away. Just, dish it. 

and make her see you do it.

Stage 2: Going official

Now that you've totally gotten the girl (refer to stage 1) with your lazy and absolutely cool demeanour, it's time to go official. Don't even tell her that you two are together. Just keep sending her mental messages and believe that she'll get them eventually. Really, it's not that hard to receive mental messages. 

It's only, impossible. -_-*

Stage 3: Keeping it going

Right, so you've both gone official and she's at your disposal (for all eternity because that's how girls are, emotional). Sit in thought all day. Think about wanting to ask her out, think about having a lavish date with her, think about being insanely crazy about her but never do it because it says in the bible that if you've thought of murder, you've committed it. Honestly, you don't want to sound pushy or anything and you sure as hell don't want to usurp your "girlfriend's" timetable with petty requests like a date.

Noooo, that would be sin.

Stage 4: Breaking up

So, years pass and your girlfriend decides to break up with you and you wonder why. You lament and feel scorned. You're immensely hurt because here you are, dreaming up a wonderful life together and there she is, wanting to break your fragile heart. You've done all you can, you've put in so much effort into the dreaming and she wants to end it. You've done so much for her but you guess it was just not good enough for her. 

She's very unreasonable, you think to yourself. 

Jeux d'enfants,

the oracle.