the lady-bird

this is going to be a very angry post. this is totally unusual of Lois. language wise i mean. SO PLEASE, DO NOT READ IT IF YOU WANT A TRUE REPRESENTATION OF LOIS. this is NEGLIGENT MISREPRESENTATION! for those who know me, read on.

exams are finally over. that long drawn haul of unintelligible ramblings and snooty classmates who don't share their notes are finally over. you know, i learnt something. life's really awfully pleasant. yet, you throw in people and they just totally bitch it up for you.

onto something totally unrelated since everything in my life is disjointed and arbitrary anyway.

the exams this time was frigging jinxed from the start and i guess it just hit record high mid week. i walked out of my exam halfway. i don't think i was fully sober to truly ascertain the gravity of my actions. for those who don't already know(like, everyone of you. since those that read my oracle aren't from my school) okay, this is what happened.

Wednesday.business accounting paper. the only paper i studied and practiced really hard for. that's the thing with me. i have performance anxiety. no wait. correction. i have anxiety attacks all the time. i thought I'd walked out of the anxiety willows from ghost past but i guess i never really did. a mirage, a desert, whatever you want to call it. in any case, when i work really hard for something, i get really stressed out. yeah, you would think that I've been a thespian(though low profile and temperamental)for ages and that I'd be used to it by now? wrong. it worsens with age because you gain more of the world and start to worry about greater things.

well, i studied and practiced very hard for accounting because i genuinely found it a worthy subject to take on. I'd been very happy with my progress so far although my coursework grades were less than stellar. still, i persevered on and was very glad with my vast improvement. soon, Wednesday rolled by and i was a clump of rubber bands, riding in moral vilification. got into the exam room, got down to the paper. looked through it and felt like a million bucks. the paper was from 1430hrs-1630hrs. at about 1530hrs, i started to realise some discrepancies with my answers. flustered, i realised that the words had started melting into each other. all the terms were the same. general journal. cash receipts journal. balance sheet. 

they were the same fucking thing to me at that time.

panicking, my hand started shaking. losing control of my pen. got even more fucked up. started biting my lip. bit it so hard that it started to bleed. totally fucked and scared, i was like. shit, this is incredible. I'm mental. HA. the best was yet to come.

the room started to spin.

that's, when i lost it and gave up. alas, the world mocketh me so. the invigilators were fucking retards. look, I'm not even using the adjective retarded here. I'm using the fucking noun. retard. it took THREE FUCKING INVIGILATORS to finally FUCKING COMPREHEND the gravity of the matter. they kept saying "sure, you can go toilet"

NO JERK OFF! I DON'T FUCKING WANT TO GO TO THE TOILET! i want to go to the doctor's because i don't want to fucking jeopardize the last half of my paper. 

ugh.

and part 2 of my accounting tragedy was just plain sad. i don't even want to write about it. yeah. IT GETS WORSE. 

on a completely different note(well, not so different i guess but definitely with reference to another subject)... read on.

i always-almost-never-sometimes-ever swear but this event totally renders it. I'm almost-surely-definitely-totally certain that the universe would even give me an immediate free pass.

well, fuck you bitch.

this post was written in much haste but you know what. i totally enjoyed typing out this post because unlike prior post or collections past, i was honest with myself today. i fucked up and i accept it. time to move on. 

parting note: i think I'm going to get an A for contract law though. YAY!