teenagers are glue-sticks

you want to know the truth about parents? they're the most brilliant creatures to ever roam this earth. do you think they mispronnounce words/slang because they're stupid?

no, my dears. you're terribly mistaken. they do it, so that they can annoy every bit in you and hopefully embarrass you to a point of no return. it suddenly just dawns on us that every kiss, every hug, every"AH GIRL AH, GOT BRING YOUR SANITARY PAD OR NOT?", was premeditated and infused at strategic time gauges.

they do it, to ruin us.

HAHA. of course not. they're not so free!( but they are. i'm just writing this here as a disclaimer. no death is involved so it won't breach the unfair contract terms act.HAH. in your face)

in any case, i'm here today as Lois the Saviour. i will explain to you how a parent functions/thinks and we shall outsmart them. lets start with a case study as retold by unreliable sources. namely, fellow teenagers.

CASE STUDY X

teen X: i want to go play LAN games tonight till 3am.
X's mom: no, i forbid you to.
teen X: f*ck you lah! i want to LAN through the night. all my friends are doing it.
X's mom: no. i won't allow it*keeps strong but is precariously balancing on the verge of motherly sanity and human dignity*
-end-

OKAY, end of case study example. now, let's do a fair lady and point out all the mistakes in that conversation. we call it, the analysis, or what teen X will probably call. the analysisation. i rest my case.

ANALYSIS OF CASE STUDY X

why does X's mom not allow X to "go play LAN games"? and till "3am" for that matter?

its because X's mom thinks that LAN is a thinly disguised version of "lan jiao" which ultimately means penis in hokkien. you see, parents aren't that stupid. they take their cues from the people who know the "violence business" best. the hokkien mafia. so, how would that affect the mother? she obviously wouldn't want to hear of her son going to play penis games till 3am in the morning. DUH.

next statement to be analysed "f*ck you lah!" this is a great big shocker. parents believe that teens are at a stage where sarcasm rides on a century's high. this also means that they'll take the "f*ck you lah" statement at face value but with negative connotations... simply put. they just interpreted the statement as an indecent, incestuous proposal. *gasp*

does this not shed some light on why parents turn your requests down? it's all about the art of asking. you can make your parents agree to EVERYTHING if you only know how to do it. what X really should have done was say.

"Dear mother, can i please go for this once in a lifetime educational offer. there's this game which helps us deal in real life issues like trading and protecting yourself/increasing your strength(by killing other people no doubt). i don't learn this in school but i want to better myself. i want to be the child that you raised me up to be. someone who can deal with real life issues and studies. can i please go? its an intensive course so it might last till 3am. but for you mother, and the betterment of our family as an entity, i will persevere through the long hours and come out a victor. if i do well in tonight's game. there might be future installments. I WILL DO THIS MOTHER! "

you see, the mother would obviously let X go.

haha, okay. that was bullshit. it wouldn't even run for pelican brief. i'm really just messing with you. being absolutely anal for no reason on end only because annoying people is excitedbly, the most enticing prospect that everyone should jump wagon for.

so, feeling brilliant already?

i feel like, f*cking brilliant *winks*


p.s if you didn't get the last statment. you didn't get the entire post you dumbass.