my life reduced to 9 post-its

when i get it down on paper, its no longer inside of me, threatening the life it belongs too.

I mull a lot, its like a bad habit. I get bogged down by all these irrational thoughts and spread the toxic to those around me. Its what I do. Poison pawn! Poison Pawn!

I'd never give up the thoughts for anything though, without it; I'm really just an empty shell of, nothingness. Its been 39 days since you've been gone and I'm not sure if I'm more upset about you leaving or the fact that I understood and that I could have been of help had we talked about it. I mean, I sound rational now, I do.

No, I lie, I'm crumbling inside.

Today I was reminded of you and throughout the day, I kept repressing this line that kept coming back to me. Its like, every time I tried to repress it, it would come back to me, swifter harder; just raw and real. Its down the wrist, not across. Its down the wrist, not across. It's down the wrist, not across.

I get it.

I got it.

And everytime I thought I was going to be okay, the sick would just mount. Its even worse when all you want is to give your undivided attention to your company but all you can really think about are the little coloured glass bottles filled with your hazy past.

These bottles, they fill, so swiftly and quick. All carefully labelled and numbered for your reference.. as if mocking you and taunting you to break them, just to get out of the orderliness of it all. You fling these bottles against the walls and know the momentum will work with you but instead of the bottles crashing against the walls, you find yourself hitting the walls at an incredible velocity only you could inflict on yourself.

As you slide down the wall, with mucous, blood and saliva glazing your left cheek and upper lip. The sides of your mouth begin to curl upward and well, it starts softly at first and you can barely hear it. The sound, shy and perhaps, hesitant at best and you're unsure of what to make of it but then it intensifies and soon the laugh is full bodied and laced with an evil only the beasts of the Schutzstaffel would know.

You wipe away the mucous, the blood and the saliva (which has, given the time, started to mix and grow heavy) with your palm and look down at the mess in your hand. That beautiful mess. That beautifully painful, mess. Your lids start to close and you feel a peace rush over you.

It was never about you, it was always me, you say.

miss invisible

People have always asked me why I've hated my years in Temasek and its just gotten to the point where I never know how to explain it anymore. I was on youtube the other day and I found this video which details like 35% of why I hate my time in school.



On a side note, I really love Marie's dress. Its as pretty as she is!

The run of the Crucible finished on Saturday and I can't help but be plagued with thoughts of what you would have said, had you been there. I'm sure you'd have been so proud of me. Its been a few years now, old friend and I still think of you softly from time to time. Its always hard to lose a close friend but even more so when the draw of theatre and performance was so close to both our hearts. You understood me. Sometimes, I bring my knees up to my chin and bury my face in my arms, praying that you'll come through those doors once again but I know that's never going to happen because you're in Heaven now. You've found your peace.

You once asked me what I'd be when I grew up, I told you that I wanted to be a lawyer, you shook your head and told me, I'd be beautiful. I can't help myself, my laughter gradually turns into tears and then, I can't tell anymore. I can't tell if I'm laughing or crying anymore, just a torrent of emotions all rushing out because it'll kill me if it stayed in any longer. Through the tears, the hurt dissipates and I've found my peace. I've finally found my peace.



Till we meet again old friend, till we meet again.

OMG.WEDDING FTW

HELLO HELLO. I ONLY HAVE ONE THING FOR YOU. GO TO THIS SITE.LIKE, NOW. PRONTO. now!!!!!!!

watch it, NOW!!!!
The oracle has never let you down, I only let you see the coolest material so WATCH THIS NOW!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-94JhLEiN0

AH!!!! I WANT TO GET MARRIED RIGHT THIS MINUTE.

the girl that conquered

This is an exercise I'm trying out. Method acting the literary edition :)



i've always known this song and loved it but I never really fully appreciated it. I was listening to this song again this morning and I felt this ache of mounting failure in my being. I don't believe my ache stemmed from the contents of the song but more so the language of the music. Its like something in the music speaks to me about my past, present and future.

and I guess what pushed me over the edge,



all I really wanted to do was run and run and run. Just run away to that small enclave where the past, present and future are anti matter.

and you could have it all, my empire of dirt. I wear this crown of thorns upon my liar's chair, full of broken thoughts I cannot repair beneath the stains of time; The feelings disappear.

if I could start again

a million miles away

I would keep myself

I would find a way 

(following paragraph to be read when "hurt" is playing from 2:32- 3:43)

I don't want it anymore. You can have it, you can have it all. Just take it. Take it away. I don't need it anymore!!! Take it. Take it! I like having simple wits, I like being ignorant to it all. Take it away. I DON'T WANT IT. GO AWAY. GO AWAY! I DON'T WANT IT!!! 

i don't know how to handle it:(

just let me be. 

End of exercise. Thank you for being part of my social experiment. 

unsteady

I'm unsure as to whether its the culmination of tasks or an isolated matter that's gotten me distressed. I won't say its distress in the most negative of views. No no, nothing silly as such. Its more of an unrest because you know you can handle the drama amidst a looming criminal pro essay deadline. 

Someone remarked that I wasn't steady. Like, I was unsteady. *And lets just take some time for the moment of sheer stupidity to quickly flit away*

Okay, anyway, I was rather perturbed by that because honestly, I've always thought I was really well grounded. Sure, I think up different concepts, sure, I have different ideas from the rest of you but I'm essentially after the same thing. Aren't I?

Or am I mistaken?

No no, that cannot be. No, no, that must not be. Terror, terror! This cannot be! I really don't get the whole idea of me being unsteady. Here, I'll go look up the dictionary now.

This is insane. 

I'm a Katy Perry song. 

UNSTEADY, PEOPLE.

Yeah. 

x, the oracle.

roll the dice and let's go.

I was reading this random blog the other day while fulfilling my role as a wing-man and I thought to myself. She sounds rather deep, she SEEMS rather deep but IS she deep? The question was entirely uncalled for and it thoroughly disrupted the next few days of my life. 

Today being the 4th day of course. UCK. 

Anyhow, I digress. What I meant to say was, WHY should I be the judge as to whether or not she's deep. HOW THE HELL DO YOU JUDGE SUCH THINGS? I could explain how the universe works and place my significance in the cracks of society, wowing all of you with a concluding statement on how I stand balanced and untouched by the world except things that cannot blah blah, you get my drift. 

WOULD THAT COUNT AS ME BEING DEEP?

Hell, no. 

It'll probably just mean that I fancied using those groups of words at that time and arbitrarily placed them in close proximity of each other, going on to use my shallow existence as a means of taking on the world and trying to explain the vast world in 250 words or less. No, no, there is no sense in such incredulous means. 

I fail to comprehend and capture the essence of my thoughts now so I shall leave it to later.

Taa!

ITS CALLED VD

you know what's more moronic than people who spend hours on end just joking about the same subject matter on hand?

People who add on to it and drag it out longer than it really should be given. I mean, look. those morons are generous enough with the amount of stupidity they're spreading around. Seriously, did you REALLY have to take that stupidity and perpetuate it? God, I hate it when the only level of mutual love is bound by that one measly joke that should only have been said once to begin with.

Wait wait, there's more. You know what's the worst thing? Worse than the prior points braided together... There could be no greater sin than that except, the fact that you STILL have to hang out with these people because you have to WORK WITH THEM.

this my friends, calls for a major T_T session. so,

T_T

Heck, lets throw in some vanilla bean ice cream to go along with it and a waffle on the side. Not just any waffle. The small one from Gelare with no cream, no sauce, no nothing. Just a fork, some love, a relatively crispy top and your tear ducts. 

There you go, spread the love. 

*buckles from the sheer thought*

relative circumstance

I think the world revolves around the concepts of relativity and circumstance. Take for example, the prior sentence, would I have typed it as such and without that much thought and consideration if any mistake (be it in punctuation or trivial things like kerning) was taken into consideration for my imminent death. Simply put, would I have put more effort into typing out that sentence if my life depended on it.

I would surely think so. 

You see, I don't know about you but I think its entirely circumstantial. When you throw things into different settings, the way people react; Classic. You see, objectives change and people reduce priority capacities accordingly. This of course is where the concept of relativity makes its mainstay. Thus, fully encapsulating my yin & yang of thought processes. 

For example, you ask a person to walk across a room. The person walks with the only objective in mind of getting to the other side and hoping not to look like a dork in the process. Now, you tell the person that if he were to make a single sound while walking across the room, he'd turn to sand;(let's just imagine that this is in fact true just for argument's sake) 

Unless of course you're some lame-a-zoid, the results would definitely and obviously be different. You'd see a development in the person's walk or at the least, a creative assortment of devices to resolve the issue on hand. You see, circumstance is just so important to people and well, necessary i guess.

necessity? Is Circumstance a true necessity. Well, for one, its inevitable and obviously unavoidable but is it necessarily a true necessity? Like, there are so many clear cut things in life. For instance, we all know that cable is a necessity but honestly, circumstance? That's just so shallow=x

Heehee. sorry. i just HAD to fit that in somewhere. I'd be damned if I didn't.

Moving on, would I have possibly bonded with my mother so well had she not been my mother. If my mother was my lecturer, would I have respected as much as I do now? The answer I'm sad to say is probably not. You know, I sometimes feel like sitting people down and telling them, ITS NOT YOU. ITS THE CIRCUMSTANCE. but people take it too personally you see. They fail to see that I can't be best friends with them BECAUSE they're not Cher supporters =x

Haha, I lie.

Still, it's quite a good thought to expound on no?

I'm sorry but I NOW INTERRUPT THIS POST WITH A TIRADE OF NASTY WORDS.

I cannot stand this particular girl because she's so annoying and goes on about the love of God, oops. I meant HER love for God then she gropes, flaunts, shoves her surgically enhanced assets into the faces of other. OMG, AND HER BLOG. *faints* Then, her age old famous argument. I DIDN'T DORCE YOU TO READ MY BLOG she squeals in her all affected squeak of genteel cutsey. Oh, and I honestly think she should get off her back more often and keep her legs together. Damn, I hate her. Skank.

OKAY, AND NOW BACK TO THE POST!!!

If that girl in the prior paragraph had been my sister. I'd have hated her but loved her still.

Circumstance, shit. What tricky business.

I'll leave relativity for a different day. What difference does it all make anyway? 

Its all relative.

jeux d'enfants

i shall blog in french today because I'm just feeling like it. Well, not through my own effort of course.

On n'aime que ce qu'on ne possède pas tout entier. Il n'y a qu'un bonheur dans la vie, c'est d'aimer et d'être aimé. L'on est bien faible quand on est amoureux. L'amour fait les plus grandes douceurs et les plus sensibles infortunes de la vie. Ça c'est vrai. Courage et bon vent jusqu'à un port tranquille.

Je t'aime 

x, lois

Jeux D'enfants m'cherie

with open eyes

i owe people pictures so here you go!

http://www.nicolesoh.com/gallery/withopeneyes

I know its nothing much but if you liked the photos, I hope you tell Nicole or me that you liked  them. 

This of course is her homepage:

http://www.nicolesoh.com

I will update soon enough with a meaty post.

love and kisses, 

Loisie

the hooded falcon =x

The highlight of today was surprisingly not the Q&A session with Ethan Hawke. As awesome as that definitely was, the one event that blew my mind today was the Shakespeare master class I had with Dakin Matthews. If this guy was a vicar, he would convert muslims to catholicism should scripture be shakespeare.

In any case, we covered the text from MoV and RaJ today but what really got to me was how eloquent and highly intelligent Merchant of Venice was; plus, how sneaky Romeo and Juliet could be. The master class was 3 hours of awesomeness and although there was an information overload, I NEVER WANTED IT TO END.

Gallop apace, you fiery-footed steeds, 

Towards Phoebus' lodging: such a wagoner 

As Phaethon would whip you to the west, 

And bring in cloudy night immediately. 

Spread thy close curtain, love-performing night, 

That runaway's eyes may wink and Romeo 

Leap to these arms, untalk'd of and unseen. 

Lovers can see to do their amorous rites 

By their own beauties; or, if love be blind, 

It best agrees with night. Come, civil night, 

Thou sober-suited matron, all in black, 

And learn me how to lose a winning match, 

Play'd for a pair of stainless maidenhoods: 

Hood my unmann'd blood, bating in my cheeks, 

With thy black mantle; till strange love, grown bold, 

Think true love acted simple modesty. 

Come, night; come, Romeo; come, thou day in night; 

For thou wilt lie upon the wings of night 

Whiter than new snow on a raven's back. 

Come, gentle night, come, loving, black-brow'd night, 

Give me my Romeo; and, when he shall die, 

Take him and cut him out in little stars, 

And he will make the face of heaven so fine 

That all the world will be in love with night 

And pay no worship to the garish sun. 

O, I have bought the mansion of a love, 

But not possess'd it, and, though I am sold, 

Not yet enjoy'd: so tedious is this day 

As is the night before some festival 

To an impatient child that hath new robes 

And may not wear them.

Romeo and Juliet Act 3 Scene 2

Dude, I actually totally understand this now.

It's really hot. 

Really, it is. 

x, lois

already wet so we ought to go swimming

Oh, I know this sounds really frivolous and absolutely arcane but that's just always been my style if you didn't already know.

Well, I was flossing my teeth the other day and I realised that I've never once flossed my teeth with a checklist in mind. No, like seriously. 

Remember how we used to have oral passages and picture conversations in primary and secondary school where you would have to start from the bottom left hand corner and work in a clockwise manner to cover ground? 

Well, yeah. I've heard that people actually start from the left and work their way to the right flossing between each molar, each canine, everything. Then, it suddenly dawned on me how I do every single thing so differently from others. Its not even one of those warranted differences that a group of people do differently from the rest of the world. ITS JUST WHAT I DO.

Then, I felt like an island. 

I felt like a tiny insignificant island set against the vast malay archipelago to say the least.

You see, I have a way of doing things and if I don't do it my way, I get really agitated because that's just how I am and its nothing big that would warrant a change. I JUST LIKE THINGS THE WAY I DO IT! It seems like such a clever way of doing things. Sometimes in retrospect however, I fall to the ground and exclaim to the heavens, WHY DO YOU LET ME MOCK MYSELF SO?!

and the drama continues.

Well, anyway. These are the top few Lois things around. I need to bathe in a different soap every day and I need to use a different soap for a different body part. This normally results in my tub smelling like EVERY soap you could think of. Its one of the cleanest wars you'll ever. see. 

My life has a rhythm to it so I can't just get up and walk around as and when I please. I must feel compelled and be in rhythm. My actions do not listen to me, they listen to the music that only my head hears. 

So there. 

I'm not to be bossed around not because I'm stubborn. It just isn't one of my physical capabilities. =x 

:)

I end with this precious video I found. Please, WATCH IT NOW.

HOW LAWYERS erm, talk?

I think only people that've taken a Law module would get this. 

This is how non-lawyers put their messages across

Person: I just stare at the boots

other people: BOOBS? WHY WOULD YOU STARE AT HER BOOBS?

Person: No la, not boobs lah. boots. the things you wear on your feet. yar?

This, is how lawyers put their messages across.

Lawyer: I just stare at the boots

People: BOOBS? WHY WOULD YOU LOOK AT HER BOOBS?

Lawyer: No loser, i look at her boots!! you know, boots. like boots as in the Pharmaceutical Society of Great Britain v. Boots cash Chemists (Southern) Ltd. [1953] 1 QB 401

yawn, my head really hurts. 

x, toodle-loois

TOP 9 PET PEEVES OF 2009

Hello :)

If you haven't already wished me a happy Birthday then you're TOO LATE! And I will judge you if you do it now so just wait till next year and treat me extra nice in the meantime. I forget easily. Nah, I lie. I'll still judge you.

There are many things that annoy me but these just top the lot(at the moment because I have a large head and I'm still scanning through material in my head)

#1 : PEOPLE WHO CANNOT PRONOUNCE "EYEBROW"

Look people, the BROW is pronounced as an unfinished version of brown. So, take note that when you're saying EYE-BROW, really, just pretend to say EYE-BROWN but STOP just before you hit the "N". No eye-BRO or eyeb-row because you ain't no dawg gunning in for your BROS*rows eyes*

If however, you say eye, brown, its like saying me, human. 

Unflattering.

#2: PEOPLE WHO NAME DROP A LOT

Like, I'm really happy for you that you're like a walking "Facebook" with so many friends for you to beckon whenever but I don't fancy a conversation that goes something like this.

X: Oh, so that day, I was having tea with Bill Gates and oh my gosh, he's just SO funny, have you ever met him. O yeah, sorry. You haven't met him. Okay, another story! So, I was shopping with Paula Abdul and we SAW THE CUTEST RED SHOES!! O, silly me, you don't know Paula darling as well. blah blah blah.

#3: MY AESTHETIC IMBALANCE

My right boob is smaller than my left boob and that makes my bra ride up on my right. Its unsightly :(

#4: PEOPLE WHO THREATEN ME WITH AFRICAN KIDS

Its like, I can never run away from them. I mean, yes. I know that they're dying from starvation and poverty and its entirely dire and bleak. (The "ands" keep piling up) but I'd really like to have a meal in peace. There's no such thing as a bigger problem that must be first imposed on another. 

We each have to deal with stuff and I don't think its fair for anyone if this constantly pops up as a THREAT and to make us feel guilty. We will help as best as we can through money and mission trips but dude, no guilt trips PLEASE!

#5: BLOOD DIAMOND

I'm a little slow on this but I finally got down to watching Blood Diamond and Eastern Promises. Eastern Promises, I'll leave for another day but O.M.G.BLOOD DIAMOND?!?! I'm not sure about you but I absolutely hated it. If you don't know the background of this, please go google it before reading on. No ignorance allowed. 

Anyhow, there's so much material and pain behind the Sierra Leone gem trade already but NOOOO, Hollywood just HAD to sensationalize it. I mean, its one thing to sensationalize it but another thing to realise that this is just PLAIN SILLY and absurd! The whole point of the show was to HILIGHT the terrible atrocities of this gem industry but noooo, it became all about Leo slaying all those arbitrary dudes. 

Plus, the love scene between Jen and Leo was just SO unnecessary, its even laughable. The characterizations fell short of the potential and the whole movie was just so awkward and childish. I don't care how many oscars it got nominated for. 

It'll only get 2 stars from me. 1 because jennifer was so hot in it and another star because I'm so generous and diamonds after all, are a girls' best friend!

#6: GIN AND TONIC HAS A CLOSED FAN BASE ON FACEBOOK

I've always been a fan of Gin and Tonic's talent but they have a closed fan base on Facebook. Sigh, how snooty! but I will ALWAYS love you*hisses* (she secretly whispers to herself)

#7: Survivor is STILL on

Its been like how many years already? Survivor is just so boring, dreary, wearisome and have I already said? BORING! Hello?! See, i'm using such fly by night adjectives because Survivor doesn't deserve cooler ones. 

CAN IT. ITS LAME.

#8: BHUTTO AND GEORGIE CLOONEY?

george clooney doesn't love me:( epic failure.

#9: STUPIDITY

Its taking Lois SO LONG to come up with 9 pet peeves. Well, maybe nothing really peeves me anymore. So i think that's good right? See, we ended on a happy, words of wisdom note :)

lovelove!

the oracle

because i promised

okay, so I promised to update.

HOW TO GET GIRLS 

the non-sleazy, cheap pick up averse way of scoring!

It has come to our attention that a generation of males just don't know how to win a lady's heart anymore. I'm talking epic failure okay. Well, join us today as we seek to uncover nature's secrets (commercial new age music plays in the background. ah, the irony is thick till this point). My name, as you all already know, is Rosemary and I'll be your wonderful Zen DRIVEN host for today =x (I did not just type that, I swear =x)

Stage 1: Wooing

Well, Its really simple. You like her, she likes you and you REALLY REALLY want to make her happy. Don't call, don't text, don't even suggest meeting up with her because really, girls don't want that kind of attention. We are cold blooded creatures that respond to neither attention nor affection. So, guys ought to just not waste their time no? Oh, and when she gives you things because she thinks it'll make you like her more, take it and throw it away. Just, dish it. 

and make her see you do it.

Stage 2: Going official

Now that you've totally gotten the girl (refer to stage 1) with your lazy and absolutely cool demeanour, it's time to go official. Don't even tell her that you two are together. Just keep sending her mental messages and believe that she'll get them eventually. Really, it's not that hard to receive mental messages. 

It's only, impossible. -_-*

Stage 3: Keeping it going

Right, so you've both gone official and she's at your disposal (for all eternity because that's how girls are, emotional). Sit in thought all day. Think about wanting to ask her out, think about having a lavish date with her, think about being insanely crazy about her but never do it because it says in the bible that if you've thought of murder, you've committed it. Honestly, you don't want to sound pushy or anything and you sure as hell don't want to usurp your "girlfriend's" timetable with petty requests like a date.

Noooo, that would be sin.

Stage 4: Breaking up

So, years pass and your girlfriend decides to break up with you and you wonder why. You lament and feel scorned. You're immensely hurt because here you are, dreaming up a wonderful life together and there she is, wanting to break your fragile heart. You've done all you can, you've put in so much effort into the dreaming and she wants to end it. You've done so much for her but you guess it was just not good enough for her. 

She's very unreasonable, you think to yourself. 

Jeux d'enfants,

the oracle.

dear priest

Dear Father, I have a confession to make. 

Its not that I've not been blogging, Its just that I draft the posts and just never publish them. Please forgive me for I know I'm wrong.

Thank You Father.

Oh, you know what? I realized something that day. HOW THE HELL DO YOU LEARN ABOUT THE WORLD when you shield your eyes from sin and vice. No, we must submerge ourselves in the environment but still stay true to ourselves. In organizational behavior, you're considered not having learnt anything unless its made a permanent change in you.

Its crazy isn't it? I guess it makes a lot of sense though.

Anyhow, today marks the start of my

"GAMBLE MY LIFE AWAY PROJECT "

This project aims to explore every vice and hustle, from theory to practical uses, and I'm talking hardcore man. I intend to soak up all lairs, mahjong pits and hoping to rekindle my affair with the punter's guide while at it. 

My friends, lets us rise to this new morning of gambling wit and lore.

Why do I always waste my time on fingerprints, gambling and the likes? insanity i tell you.

Anyhow, here's some pictures to confirm that I am still indeed alive and kicking.

go back in, mother! the neighbours don't want to see you cam whore =x

family, no other.
checkered uncle, nephew and niece
and a nicer photo
a bright new morning. GOOD MORNING BALTIMOOOOORE.
shanghai tang, "yu pei" scandals
I can't stand the irony in the last picture. Otherwise, this is me, still alive and kicking during chinese new year. Much love,

xoxo

the oracle.

and the sand rises up against the distant shores

"Bring me back! Bring me back!" and she woke up with a slight jerk. Her eyes flickered open. Her pupils needed not much adjustment to the darkness and proceeded to jut stare into the pitch black oblivion. She wondered, how pretty the dark would look if you could see it with a torchlight. 

The dream had been unpleasant. The theme, constant through it all. Though that in itself would probably have been an obvious fallacy. It largely revolved around despair and desertion, sometimes barely missing the line of distinction. Dreams do that, they swirl emotions into a beckoning pot of silver wisps and condemnation. Imagine, being trapped in a white suspension of nothingness but the self induced fear of the unknown future. Well, there it is again. A redundancy. The feeling it caused was indeed, unsettling. What could be done though? 

Dreams, they didn't hurt. Did they?

"SO, HOW IS MY LOVELY PATIENT THIS MORNING?" said Doctor Moe in a loud booming voice.

Same ol' frikking sleeping beauty, wasting our fucking resources. Die already, bitch! Dr. Moe continued under his breath.

WELL, ITS A PITY MY DEAR SINCE YOU'VE GOT A VISITOR THIS MORNING! Dr. Moe drew the curtains and hurriedly exited. 

lois had been sleeping for nine years now. try as she might, she just couldn't wake. she thought she'd already awoken. However, she'd just awoken from her dream. In reality, she was long gone. 

Halfway around the world, the sand rose up against the distant shores, the clouds moved a tad faster and dragonfly eggs hatched.

Ah, here you go dear. Its down the wrist, not across it.

Then, Lois finally woke up. Dead, but awake. 

And, free. 

I apologise for this immensely blah post. Though I thought i wrote a pretty decent story eh? OMG. I LOVE IT TO BITS! i know, we're not exactly supposed to tell the world that we like the stuff we wrote but to hell with societal structure. its time for change. change we can believe in*muffles a giggle* I couldn't help myself but i AM apathetic about american politics nonetheless. =x

company law essay

all of you have been bugging me for a post of substance and i've been obviously falling short. i apologise! so here, i shall post up my company law essay on oppression. DON'T REGRET. ITS 1.7K WORDS OF LEGAL SCHMUCK. HAVE FUN LABORIOUSLY PLOUGHING THROUGH IT!

Killing an Alsatian would be cruel, but to kill a Mockingbird? 

Now that would be sin.

An essay by Goh Leyu Lois

The cries of the women rocked the uneasy silence “Let us go! Let us go!” A final wave of cruelty and injustice would eventually befall them and seal their fate. They would never be heard from again, too weak and few to fight against this force; the force of pure tyranny.

Oppression.

Tom Robinson, an African American who was unfairly tried by the town of white people because of the color of his skin in “To kill a mockingbird” is, as the title suggests, a mockingbird that had been slaughtered. A mockingbird causes no harm except to sing in all innocent gifts. To kill it, would be a sin.

Oppression.

The definition of oppression is apparent and obvious to many but to contextualize it with regards to company law is sometimes difficult since there is no absolute definition to oppression. This much however, I have gleaned from the textbooks which house thoughts from legal systems around the world.

Oppression is to disregard a member’s interests and this goes beyond the “failure to take into account the member’s interest”, there must be an “awareness” of the interest and a blatant nonchalance going about it.

Now then, is oppression necessarily a force targeting the minority as the word has rightly suggested in the past? After having read an article by Mr. Ian Ramsay “Can a majority shareholder bring an action?” I begin to realize that many people mix up dominance and control with majority shareholders when really, to put it simply;

Size doesn’t matter.

Therefore, the first point we ought to ascertain is the fact that dominance does not have to be synonymous with the majority of the votes. This means that given a workplace setting, you don’t necessarily need to control the most votes to be categorized as “majority”; you only need be an important or pivotal role that could possibly influence the other votes. Hence, this bid of garnering votes would make you, the dominating power.

This is why I ask you again, “oppression against the minority”, is this statement redundant?

In “Kumagai Gumi co ltd v Zenecon- Kumagai Sdn Bhd”, Anuar J said that

“Relief under s181 (the Malaysian equivalent of s216) is available to majority shareholders who are not in control of the management of the company and who, for any given reason, are unable to control the board”

He later reiterated it again in the obiter dictum.

This is the first principle where s216(1)(a) and s216(1)(b) can be applied to and it just goes to show that no matter the reason, oppression is indeed for anyone and everyone who can prove that they have been unfairly treated in a company.

We must be very careful about having been “unfairly treated” though, since there is a thin line between 1) oppression and 2) disagreements about policy and mismanagement. The law must not overlook the fact that our world is populated with petty and disgruntled workers who by pure nature, might become opportunists should an opportunity arise. This meaning, a member of a board cannot have the rest of the board members up for oppression without explicit proof and sure evidence that they passed a certain judgment out of own greed and not for the interests of the company.

A pertinent point in the Walter Woon textbook states that “the fact a member is consistently outvoted does not mean that he is oppressed or that his interests are being disregarded. It should also be remembered that the majority also has rights”

It really just follows the concept on whether you would kill a person because he was an African American or kill a person who happened to be an African American. Likewise, if you would outvote a member just because he seemed like a minority or to outvote someone’s decision and that someone happened to be a minority shareholder. The difference is stark.

In line with my argument, I refer to both Re Kong Thai sawmills (Miri) Sdn Bhd and Paloh Medical Centre Sdn Bhd where the learned judges stated that

“For the case to be brought within s 181(1) (a) at all, the complaint must identify and prove ‘oppression’ or ‘disregard’. The mere fact that one or more of those managing the company possess a majority of the voting power and, in reliance upon that power, make policy or executive decisions, with which the complainant does not agree, is not enough. Those who take interests in companies limited by shares have to accept majority rule. It is only when majority rule passes over into rule oppressive of the minority, or in disregard of their interests, that the section can be invoked”

This really just drives in the point that relief will not be given out to the members who feel victimized because of a division in decisions. Therefore, “mismanagement of the company does not necessarily constitute oppression or disregard of a member’s interests!”

A burning question within me however was the seemingly easy question of what a member was and if there was some sort or capacity which the member had to fill? Third principle on which s216 is to be applied is that oppression must affect the petitioning member qua member. Checking the dictionary, I came to realize that qua really just meant “in the capacity of”. This being said, we should use this as a gauge in cases. We should always remember to keep coming back to this central question and ask ourselves if the alleged acts of oppression were indeed carried out during the course of the business or outside the business, thus rendering the member, not a member.

In Re Chi Liung & Son Ltd,

It had been said that the petitioner as a beneficiary to a family trust would not be entitled to relief on the grounds of oppression. However, after reviewing the case, the court held that there was oppression present against him in the capacity of a member and the director of a company.

Indeed, I must clarify the fact that relief under this principle is really an all or nothing gain. If for instance, the courts rule that you are not entitled to any relief because you are in the capacity as a beneficiary under the family trust then you get completely nothing. If however you are the director of the company who has been oppressed, and the courts are convinced that you have been oppressed as a member, both grounds of complaint in the capacity of a member and director will be allowed.

All this unfortunately will amount to nothing if there is no continuing state of affairs. This basically means that when a petition based on an act of oppression is presented to the courts, it must be shown that the oppression hasn’t ceased at the time the action is brought. There is an exception however when the oppression is past, if the member can prove that that particular act of oppression was long lasting and immensely harsh.

I refer again to Re Kong Thai sawmills,

“In a number of United Kingdom decisions, it has been held that for s 210 to apply, the complainant must show oppression continuing up to the date of proceedings (e.g. Re Jermyn Street Turkish Bath Ltd [1971] 1 WLR 1042); where there has been oppression in the past, the section does not bite.”

Therefore, if a certain act of oppression stands by itself, has past and does not leave a strain on the petitioner, he will not be able to claim relief on the grounds of anything. He must always be able to show the continuing act or effects of oppression, otherwise, there is no provision for such a misplaced request.

To further ensure that relief will be guaranteed, relief ought to be sought with haste and almost immediately. This will indirectly send an added message to the courts that the petitioner puts priority into this matter and that it has greatly affected him. Any such delay in seeking help would be inevitably seen as a reduction in severity of the situation or worse still, an outright acceptance to the matter altogether.

In conclusion, oppression in the company law context is not so much of misplaced angst or commercial apartheid; it is really just about protecting the various parties’ interest in a company. Company laws are put in place so that no tyranny will ensue or a company will not undergo a totalitarian state in which it’ll be declared a commercial North Korea.

I would now like to leave you with an explanation of my title. Alsatians are noted to be fierce but useful dogs to the police force and killing them could be likened to competent workers whose decisions are overruled. Yet mockingbirds, in all their defenseless glory, encapsulate the pure essence of oppression. It is the fact that no harm ought to come to the people since the person didn’t have much to begin with.

Killing an Alsatian would be cruel, but to kill a Mockingbird? 

Now that would be sin.

Goh Leyu Lois
2L04
0701776G

when i grow up

here, read this excerpt by the president of Iran during the 22nd Bahman's ceremonies

"... Our young generation is a great asset to us today, promising us a much brighter future. Today more than two-thirds of our population is under 40 years of age. Many of our youths have had no first-hand experience of the previous regime. They did not participate in the revolution and had no part in its victory. Yet they are the great asset of this country today. we must endeavor to convey whatever we have gained by experience to our younger generation. We must make our youths dedicated to the integrity and grandeur of our revolution, our political system and our country. And to do this, we must believe in our youths and allow them to participate in every sphere and thus ensure them a spirit of exhilaration and inovation and a constructive spirit ..."

now, i would like to cross reference to this other source

in conclusion.

YEAH, riiight.

the shirts are not for sale

title: 3223 hrs

stop the trains

what trains?

what brains!

you no brain!

hoard it up

hoard what?

board what?

don't board it!

it is still

still is?

will it?

it still will!

you know, its entirely upsetting to write three verses of poetry not even remotely pertaining to the topic on hand. I like it though. Years from now, I'll be re reading this post and start to wonder what ailed me so many years back. Its obviously not very good layering if i can't get it years from now. 

On a more pensive note though, I've come to realise that people care too much about changing and nurturing the prodigal sons/ daughters. Its insanity but ever since I've started teaching my china boys and other kids, I realised that education is for everyone. Its not about making an extra effort to change the prodigal child's life. Its across the board and equal in every respect. I find it sad that teachers would reach out more to the naughty ones which i quote "because they have so much potential".

yes, we ALL know they have potential. Yet, just do your own thing and don't reach out to anyone special or if you want to reach out, reach out to EVERYONE. That way, they'd know that they're ALL special.

Its most perplexing when people preach to me about discrimination and whip their heads of unfathomable/ perhaps, unknown hypocrisy to treat others better than a certain other. To them, i just throw my hands up in absolute frustration and remark "AVAUNT, PERPLEXITY!"

Raw confusion aside, I've started on my study of fingerprints.

THOSE WHO WOULD LIKE TO PARTICIPATE IN THIS STUDY OF FINGERPRINTS WITH ME, PLEASE IM/TEXT/CALL/NUDGE/FB( facebook, not the other definition) ME. THANK YOU! I will require your full set of finger- prints and a form filled up. 

I LOOK FORWARD TO WORKING WITH EVERYONE OF YOU! YAY!

working, breathing young adult

HELLO! 

For those of you that don't already know, I'm currently juggling 3 jobs. 2 of which actually pay and 1 which is really just a collection of non profit work organization thing-ys. I'm only terming it as such since its 12AM and i haven't gone to sleep in ages *Lois starts to whine in an unintelligible smattering of bastardization*

JOB#1:

I'm a sales assistant/ Sai gang Extraordinaire for this shop in Plaza Singapura. You know, i really love my colleagues and my boss! They're really pretty awesome and the nature of my job is actually darn interesting but you see; My point is, that work is unfortunately, mind-blowingly boring. The NATURE of it is interesting since its something different all the time but WORK in all sense of the word is darn boring. There's no one to challenge you or pick your brain about views and issues. Its just, awfully dead.

Years of nagging from my parents have obviously fallen on deaf and unwilling ears but just a few days at work has made me this hardworking-omg-let-me-study-please kind of girl. It just warms my heart to know that somewhere deep down, I'm still an awesomely hardworking girl. I guess?

oh, i realised i never told you what i was working as. Basically, i work in a scrap-booking shop. Its a really really awesome place if i might say so myself. I help customers come up with ideas for their cards, i match paper and ribbons and buttons and felt stickers and everything for them. When i'm not doing that, i'm packing, sorting, cleaning, clearing and basically keeping busy since its a hell crowded shop.

JOB#2:

oh, you're going to get a kick out of this. 

I tutor kids (17 year old and below). Subjects taught : English Language and other humanities subjects upon request (History/Literature/Social Studies) Basically my motto in tuition is "UNDERCHARGE AND OVER TEACH"

yeah, so I'm barely breaking even.

That's why, working doesn't mean I'm getting a profit. Its just like revenue, but you've gotta take away the expenses. Deficit or surplus? Time will tell

JOB#3

its a secret!

you see, i didn't have to wait on tables. HMPH. 

I have to go sleep now! Its something which i obviously lack :( boo

the lady-bird

this is going to be a very angry post. this is totally unusual of Lois. language wise i mean. SO PLEASE, DO NOT READ IT IF YOU WANT A TRUE REPRESENTATION OF LOIS. this is NEGLIGENT MISREPRESENTATION! for those who know me, read on.

exams are finally over. that long drawn haul of unintelligible ramblings and snooty classmates who don't share their notes are finally over. you know, i learnt something. life's really awfully pleasant. yet, you throw in people and they just totally bitch it up for you.

onto something totally unrelated since everything in my life is disjointed and arbitrary anyway.

the exams this time was frigging jinxed from the start and i guess it just hit record high mid week. i walked out of my exam halfway. i don't think i was fully sober to truly ascertain the gravity of my actions. for those who don't already know(like, everyone of you. since those that read my oracle aren't from my school) okay, this is what happened.

Wednesday.business accounting paper. the only paper i studied and practiced really hard for. that's the thing with me. i have performance anxiety. no wait. correction. i have anxiety attacks all the time. i thought I'd walked out of the anxiety willows from ghost past but i guess i never really did. a mirage, a desert, whatever you want to call it. in any case, when i work really hard for something, i get really stressed out. yeah, you would think that I've been a thespian(though low profile and temperamental)for ages and that I'd be used to it by now? wrong. it worsens with age because you gain more of the world and start to worry about greater things.

well, i studied and practiced very hard for accounting because i genuinely found it a worthy subject to take on. I'd been very happy with my progress so far although my coursework grades were less than stellar. still, i persevered on and was very glad with my vast improvement. soon, Wednesday rolled by and i was a clump of rubber bands, riding in moral vilification. got into the exam room, got down to the paper. looked through it and felt like a million bucks. the paper was from 1430hrs-1630hrs. at about 1530hrs, i started to realise some discrepancies with my answers. flustered, i realised that the words had started melting into each other. all the terms were the same. general journal. cash receipts journal. balance sheet. 

they were the same fucking thing to me at that time.

panicking, my hand started shaking. losing control of my pen. got even more fucked up. started biting my lip. bit it so hard that it started to bleed. totally fucked and scared, i was like. shit, this is incredible. I'm mental. HA. the best was yet to come.

the room started to spin.

that's, when i lost it and gave up. alas, the world mocketh me so. the invigilators were fucking retards. look, I'm not even using the adjective retarded here. I'm using the fucking noun. retard. it took THREE FUCKING INVIGILATORS to finally FUCKING COMPREHEND the gravity of the matter. they kept saying "sure, you can go toilet"

NO JERK OFF! I DON'T FUCKING WANT TO GO TO THE TOILET! i want to go to the doctor's because i don't want to fucking jeopardize the last half of my paper. 

ugh.

and part 2 of my accounting tragedy was just plain sad. i don't even want to write about it. yeah. IT GETS WORSE. 

on a completely different note(well, not so different i guess but definitely with reference to another subject)... read on.

i always-almost-never-sometimes-ever swear but this event totally renders it. I'm almost-surely-definitely-totally certain that the universe would even give me an immediate free pass.

well, fuck you bitch.

this post was written in much haste but you know what. i totally enjoyed typing out this post because unlike prior post or collections past, i was honest with myself today. i fucked up and i accept it. time to move on. 

parting note: i think I'm going to get an A for contract law though. YAY!

mara mara marathon

i watched 3 movies in the school library today. i went to school to submit all my projects at 10am, then, i was free till 4pm. OMG. I KNOW. 

in any case, i'm here to review all 3 films which i watched. i must say, it was AN AWESOME EXPERIENCE.

THE FIRST FILM I WATCHED WAS

THE BREAKFAST CLUB

at first i didn't think too much of this show. i thought it would be your usual trashy american film, but i must say; i was greatly surprised. putting aside the fact that the end was predictable from the start and that the characters were grossly stereotypical, the whole concept and journey of getting to the end was most pleasant. it helped that there were some witty phrases, perhaps not an onslaught but an ample amount of such.

i actually started to tear a little when brian started on part 2 of his "confession". i kid you not, it was really a very pleasant watch. not very intellectually stimulating but a good watch nonetheless. great for a movie over, well, breakfast :)

i give it a 3.5/5! good stuff! :)

THE 2ND FILM I WATCHED WAS

a french film called A TON IMAGE

when i read the burlup of this film, i was really intrigued. it reminded me very much of gothika which i'd seen in sec 3. not so much so for the content at hand but more so because of the whole creepy feeling it gave me. a ton image shrouded me in a womb of doubt and mysteria. i was constantly asking myself what was going to happen next. i guess the trick to watching a ton image is not to know anything about the show before watching it.

after finishing with the film, there was this unsettling feeling of gloom and i felt a little cheated though. not so much because of the ending but because i thought some bits could have been drawn out longer to fully emphasize in the shift of duties. alas, the start of the show was rather slow but pivotal i suppose in order to ready the audience for the rest of the show. 

i give this film 4/5 for its very interesting albeit a little gross concept. awesome! :)

THE LAST AND FINAL SHOW I WATCHED WHICH FINALLY ENDED MY MOVIE FLOOD

was a danish film called ADAM'S APPLES

well, on the cover, it says that its a comedy about the good and the evil. well, yes, i guess you could say its a comedy but its not really your typical HAHA comedy. its more of a *nervous laughter haha* comedy. its morbid and rather, well, abstract. 

i can't really review much on the film because you have to watch it to see for yourself. 

just know that the concept's really novel and cleverly put together. for that, 5/5! mindblowing!

much love, happy watching and tell me how you find the films no?

xoxo

lois:)

when i was still oooooo

these are pictures from my heyday. now i'm just a fading star walking down sunset strip.

HAHA. oh lois, you're such a riot. in any case, i do think they're interesting photographs. these photos are the reason why i can look like crap but still feel so good about myself.

coming in or going out? my mind just runs in circles.
all you need is an, intervention.
my sanity rushes forth in swift lucidity
it don't matter to the sun
its all about you love
can we ever break free?
it hurts, but i won't back down
the women cry in oppressed fashion


AIYAH. ACT CUTE ONLY LAH. PFFFT.
gentle sadness

and introducing, the OMGOSHNESS pic of all, i used to never dare to show it around. i've only shown it to daniel... but now, i'm going to let all of you see it. eeeeeek!!!! HAHAHAHHA

err, i shall not caption it.

STAY TUNED FOR ONE MORE PIC. my absolute favourite! but, in the next post. 

* THANK YOU AMELIA FOR SNAPPING ALL THESE! and imodels for the last photo. in any case, all these photos haven't been edited yet. the edited photos look even cooler! really, they do!

its at 1600hrs you freak!

besides being an avid writer and contributor to a few blogs, i've been keeping this deep dark literary secret to myself.

which, i will seek to reveal.

now.

i'm so shy to say it but,

i've been doing this for self worth and glorification. only in the sure hope that i'll be published, accomplished and polished.

and so, i admit...

i've been writing an epic novel. omg, there. i said it.

and you know what its called? here, i'll tell you.

its called

"BUY ME"
(the theory of everything equivalent to nothing)

UGH, i'm officially a commercial mongul.

anyhow, i've started a new blog with my net friend Harry and this is a public shout out to anyone who would like to join the blog as a contributor. i'm thinking. JOHN SOONG! would you be interested?! or Almaas! or ken lui!! or anyone who loves writing and has a voice that needs to be heard.

please visit our blog at

www.wearentverysmartpeople.blogspot.com

i know you love me

xoxo

loisgirl (=x omg, thats such a rip off)

a cigar please?

i've been making all these empty promises to all my readers LIKE HOW I'M GOING TO POST PICTURES but i never do. SORRY. okay, no talking this time. just PICTURES! i owe you pictures since jan, so thats like 6 months all rolled into 1! i would caps lock the 1 but i can't because there's no such key. sigh. so, hold on tight. LETS GO!


JANUARY:-

zhaoming through the ages! hello andrew cho zhaoming!
it was great meeting up after forever! i'm glad you're back from australia you parkway/chilli/kfc/arise!/bus9/weirdo. haha, love.the.twang.
happened to run into jiayi and joanna who were on their lit trip! i believe this was in the heart of chinatown and i was rushing to some unknown place.
OUR CHURCH PHOTO-PADE
cheryl loves bre!
HUAT AH!!!!!
OMG.cheryl!! hurry up!!! bre the huge paul banyan is coming!!!
i miss just, hanging.
i believe she's breanna the classic weirdo for a reason.
being friends, its a tough feet we have to go through.
i happened to run into amelia while waiting for jit. GO TKG SIXERS!
haha, pen pal! jit yew! don't u feel so old?! omg, stop clubbing so much lah!you're so thin!
random dinner at crystal jade( or some other random chinese restaurant). there's ah ma expressing her thoughts and ah gong deep in thought.
auntie nilda and bryce. DRINK YOUR SOUP LAHH!
yijiu, yiyi and kimi!
SHAMEEN! and her shrek ears.just a lazy afternoon at gelare, chatting, studying, eating and reminiscing about sec 4 days studying along the whole siglap stretch.
that's how i like my waffles, small and plain!
i felt reeeeeeally ugly that day so i went for a makeshift plastic surgery.
later that night, i went for dinner with my xiao gu(youngest aunt) and my cousin at gilman village which is this really rad place,BETTER THAN DEMPSEY OR HOLLAND VILLAGE AHEM. hello, i'm lois' aunt and we love good food! long live the gohs!

hannah-nah-nah <3! href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_XKA4yJ_ztVU/SFDjm4v8P3I/AAAAAAAAArI/8D1FUVisdL0/s1600-h/P1030014.JPG"> our food. oops. i forgot to take it when it first arrived so the soup had been depleted some.
MY FAVOURITE DISH.omg. its orgasmic.
food orgasms. shown on xiao gu's face:)
random outing with lijin. he was counting my coins-_- and my safety pins
i was moping and looking ugly.
and the safety pins were just minding their business.
NUS ARTS MUSEUM OPEN HOUSE 2008. "sidd and his self esteem". this was sidd showing us how music ought to be.
jon kang getting shocked by amelia's loud but inaudible display of attention.
almaas and a kelly who tagged along. thank you dears!!
si ying who's always been there!
kee yating and earl foo. thank you my paperstars mates!although i bet earl came for the free beer and free flow of drinks that night.
amelia, the brain behind the artwork. jon leong, the brain behind the graphics. SWEET.

FEBRUARY:-

my birthday surprise in tp(2 days before my real birthday)

shameen explaining to me that i should appreciate them and love them(anne and her) for taking the time and effort in making my birthday so sweet.
butter for my birthday pancakes. insanity. there were like, 22 butter portions!
-_- they just HAD to use the reciept as my birthday card/slip
them singing me a birthday song(tkg style) and pissing the other ppl around and about
i'm so glad i have you and anne in tp with me. i know i really should get out more but tkgians are sisters! and thats really what you are to me. thanks for making tp less erm, uck worthy.

chinese new year day 1 a.k.a my birthday

urgh. this is such a bad photo. my parents and my paternal grandfather.
that day was a bad day, a very bad one. so, i didnt take anymore photos of myself cos my eyes were red and puffy. so, i took kimi. she makes me happy.
i also took bryce. he makes me happy as well.

cny day 2

my parents, at my paternal grandmother's urn in the wall. yeah, the columbarium.
i was making space for the people sitting on the bench. erm, what people?
zen.

the 9th of feb:)

daniel and i at NUH to visit james. follow the footsteps!
those footsteps?
omg.humour me. i just HAD to add this photo. what IS that white thing around my head? misshapen halo perhaps? but, its FREAKY.
hello fellow 18 yr old :)

14th feb 2008

omg. my parents pangsehed me. they went out together-_- so i had to cook for myself.

27th feb 08 last day of yr 1 in tp. FINALLY.

the ppl i hung out with in yr 1 in tp. everyone hated us cos we were bitchy =x introducing...
DHAR-LING!!!! hahahahahahahaha. okay fine. dharmirah.
VANNIE!!! vanessa! the first friend i ever made in tp.oooo
we went job hunting but dfs galleria sent us away :(
hence, our sad faces.
okay, we're happy again because we're undiscerning and uncaring.

bryce comes to visit

bryce, talking to pooh bear.
bryce asking pooh bear if he can go to 100 acre wood to visit him
he tells me, jiejie, i want to sleep.
then he says jiejie, that man very ugly, i cannot sleep.

MARCH:-

020308.arbitrary huang yu run in.

i ran into huang yu at marine parade library, she'd been studying for cts. we didnt talk much in tkg but tkgians are like that. we see a familiar face and it doesnt matter if we were close previously. we went on for 45minutes.

5th march08 almo meetup and mas' birthday

almeric being irritating at new york new york.
almeric wishing mas a happy birthday.
pose leh.pose leh.
AWW. this photo seems incomplete without wei-an(whyon). anyhow, hope we surprised u mas!

7thmarch 08 creative home finale

its been sucky at times working with creative home but at the end of it all, i realised that i'm stronger than i give myself credit for. this is us trying to pry the dustbins apart.

omg. damn dustbins
mr teo ser luck. faris. mr gerard ee. me. at the finale presentation.
prize presentation to all creative home participants. i wish i were a particpant instead of helping mr teo with the prizes. haha, i wasn't emceeing that day lah. they demoted lokky and me.
this way please! though you're really capable of finding your way to the front. i think mr. ee is really cute by the way! he was really polite and all. genuinely alturistic and enthusiastic about such charity functions. so, i don't mind ushering you. you're cool.
the winners. oh, wow?
8th/9th march 08
yes.omg. i'm so juvenile.
flowers that, matter :)
omg. that is SO party monster. joshua kor kor humouring me after church service.

18thmarch08 lunch with ken lui at hkcafe

no no. don't take my photo.i'm TT durai.
omg. kenneth lui. BLACKMAIL YOU!!!!! hahahhahahahahaha. hey, it was great meeting up again after 95847686536 attempts. and i think u sorta resemble the painting in the back.

20th march 08 chance run in with daniel at vivo

omg. we really suck at taking pictures.
okay, better.
camwhoring makes us sleeeeeeeepy.
china girl and german boy.

22nd march 08 lijin's commissioning ball

the first person i looked for. SAMANTHA DEAR! i knew she's be there cos i met her at lijin's social night previously. she's so preeeeety:)
i like this picture. cos its blurry and wipes out my facial flaws.
urgh. i forgot the names of the people in this picture but i know that the couple at viewer's left was really nice. they're actually siblings. haha. the sister's really cute.
deborah hendricks and i getting the red carpet treatment.
deborah again. my my, someone's quite the babe eh debbie?:)
minghao and hmm, i think its jingxuan. i know its a chinese name. anyhow, i met them at st andrew's cathedral when i went to visit daphne gan-gan! i met minghao at social night too but he was with elena fung! refer back to oct 15th 07 post.
sammie again! with her boyfriend.
omg. this is the beautiful couple i was obsessing over during social night previously. i did it once again during comm's ball. great job lois.
nice siblings!
omg. i'm absolutely crushing the girl in the middle. she's like, super hot in real life and up close.omg. its insanity okay. i should never be allowed near these functions. hot girls. sigh.
see in the background?the writing paper with my mr tofu and the 2 black beans comic. first bit. haha, this was me suffering from an epic migraine.

30th march 08 surprise visit to lighthouse evangalism

deirdre dear! i miss our sec 4 amath days with siowster.
yes. we're SO pretty.
FRIENDS!we'll be here for each others' math needs ya?*winks* on a sidenote, stupid yane refused to be in a picture with us. he said that he felt un photo like.-_- WHAT?!

11th/12th april 2008 planetshakers concert with daniel

andrew taking a photo of us before i went up to my house.
run in with xin xuan love and marissa dear! i miss my drama juniors!
caleb wong. who says there ain't no photos. looooooser.

18th april 2008 vjc musicfest

planet of the apes, starring lois!
i dont even want to caption this.
su ann girl!!! somebody's quite happening in vj eh?
hello ex tkgpb mate! xinyun
omg. we're such losers. and this isnt self depreciating.
ah gay with her rabbit which she forced me to say hello to. joanne gay, somethings just never change. i was quite annoyed cos the performances started and i wanted to take pictures with the other 8. but nevermind.
stacy chang. it was so fun whispering and bitching in the toilets. just like old times.<3 href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_XKA4yJ_ztVU/SFD9RKhUB3I/AAAAAAAAA1Y/KIR0PLyXbvQ/s1600-h/P1030287.JPG"> congrats mel! you girls were mighty great!
shaofang. so daoooooo. HAHAHA.
wei-an! wacky as ever.
nicholas kang. =x i remember a dirty little secret which happened at siowster's. we ALL do:)
hey girl! u didn't win but you were still great!!! and you look fab twin!
the modified 6 sig fig. now called paper pavements.i think? uck. i forgot. anyhow, here's reuben chen! desmond chng! matt ho and oh no, i forgot his name. some help here please dan!
novabelle, haha. yes yes. you were great.
darrenhojianrong! so thiiiiiiiiiiiiiin.
elise and deb! singapore is extkgian infested. no, actually, its just the places i frequent.
seeeerreeennnaaa. sigh sigh sigh.
same name freak! hello louis puaaaaaah.300!
and to end the night, daniel pflug. enough said.

19th april 08 charlotte's birthday outing at ecp

i'm so lazy to caption already so its auto pilot from here. and you know i love you girls!!! just that its so frigging tedious man.

charlotte the birthday girl
nicole soh
steffi goh
( lois+steffi) goh
charlotte and i waiting for the pasarmlam viking ship
omg. its shit ass scary.
twits
fatties
stooges
tai tais

24th april 08 dinner at ecp with mas love

memas
still memas in a picture where we both look good in.

MAY!

1st may 08 may day outing with ah bah

we're such idiots ah bah!!! but we love each other.
omg ahbah. u elephant. BARBAR the PERANAKAN ELEPHANT!!!!

10th may 2008 bryce

bryce:) i think i'm pretty good at child photography

11th may 2008 church opera starring auntie pearl and lois goh!

omg. epic failure.
i'm weird.

14th may 2008 surprise party for min chieh at veejaysee

i'm a victorian! and stacy is too
the ambush/plan in operation
extkgians. pao, pheebs and mellymoo.
min chieh is ecstatic. yes she is.
i believe i was trying to tell people, i think i'm shocked?
sixers<3 href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_XKA4yJ_ztVU/SFEPvKPK6hI/AAAAAAAAA5w/tGK_G2tAFy0/s1600-h/P1030364.JPG">ex gepers love!
meiyi! aww. she's so sweet.
nicole lee xun qi. i remember going over to her house 1.3.5 for our imaginary geper projects.
beau. as i said. tkgians are so friendly.

20th may 2008 my block's getting re painted

sigh.

21st may 2008 lazing around

sheryl keith nuqui and i nibbling away at ourstash of choco mints after school

29th may 2008 :(

i was sad:(

30TH MAY 2008 temasek poly acad awards

law students who happen to be in business ambassadors.
a fraction of business ambassadors
STILL a fraction of business ambassadors.

4th june 2008
my double rainbow. can you see it? look closely.

OH MY GOSH. THIS FRIKKING POST TOOK ME 6HRSS. much love! do remember to take my poll u'all :)

an introductory framework

and the cursor just keeps blinking up at me, as if mocking me or challenging me to write longer, more impactful sentences to slam preceding lines. i don't want challenges; i'm really, drained.

scanner darkley is the reason i know that everything is going to be okay, eventually. its all a bad dream and you're only stuck in your own mind. a whirlpool of baseless concepts and sanity defying thoughts.

you can see the weight of my world in the eyes. or maybe its, you can see the weight of the world in my eyes. actually, it makes no difference. in my world, its the eyes. in their world, its my eyes. its so easy to just look past and through me now because i've been down low for way too long or so says james morrison from that ipod in the distance.

once upon a time, there lived a rabbit. this rabbit was a happy rabbit, singing, hopping and collecting carrots (to make into juice) all day long. every morning, this rabbit would wake up at 7am and prepare for the day ahead. pouring herself 250ml of milk and 25gm of kellogg's corn flakes into her happy doreamon "pseudo bowl" cup. tucking happily into her.... *FLASH*

into her..

into her..

erm. the happy rabbit does not know how to carry on anymore. she's really unsure of what she should do. really doesn't know how to carry on.

anyhow, she does.

so, the not that happy rabbit tucks not so happily into her bowl of mushy corn flakes. she sees the world through these teary eyes and everything blurs and melts into oblivion. suddenly the world she sees isn't one she'd been in previously... it's the one she'd been running away from. she tries to blink it all away but its no use. the images stay the same and she knows she's trapped.

forever.

FLASH.FLASH.FLASH.

sigh, its just one of those days when i have to resort to telling my story from a third person's story point of view. this time, even surpassing the status of human and passing off as a happy rabbit. Its so hard to tell people how much this problem troubles me without coming off insane and needy.

i know that i've been unpleasant of late but i guess lois will always be plagued by this. she regrets and resents how curious she's always been about the sub conscious and un conscious. the state of rest and latent hyptnotism. sleep. she should never have played with the idea of the self induction of nightmares and the ability to remember her dreams and nightmares. they, haunt.

she regrets it and wished she'd never dabbled with such art.

its really not a case of self piteous whims, though she really wished it was. it would be easier to solve that way. now lois isn't too sure what was reality to begin with.

lois, is regrettedbly. afraid.

CONsummation

you know what?

if you want to fall in love
don't fall out of it
if you want to get married
don't ever mar it

because, when you do, the lawyers are going to get all the money and paralegals like me will have to clean up all your shit ass problems. nobody is going to pity you and your kids are going to need therapy in time to come.

so, don't screw your kids up.

stay together.

kudos, boy. do i love family law.

peachy beeeeetchy

i was working on this previous entry about the 9 steps on becoming a christian lawyer which is really just a thinly disguised version of Lois exerting blasphemous power. anyhow, i've decided to abandon that for a while and just go with the flow a bit.

urgh. yesterday was this horrendoulsy horrible day, for me at least. i was being this terribly cranky person. entirely annoying and annoyed with people on the whole.

ANYHOW, contract law ended early and loser us(anne and i) decided to sit by the smelly benches and have lunch. URGH. THEN OUT OF NOWHERE, these bouncy freshmen pop out of NOWHERE(like i've previously stated you short term memory faggots)!

and you know what they're doing?

they've got one of those perky, patronising smiles. you know, the smile of a solicitor.(prostitute and lawyer alike) well yeah. so they come bounding up to us like eager tiger cubs to dead gazelle meat with tin cans in their hands saying..

"HELLO, WOULD YOU LIKE TO DONATE TO THE CYCLONE VICTIMS?"and they beam up at me like impressionable PAP kids just waiting for affection and approval.

on a good day, i'd have said, SURE! and put in 10cents(not because i'm a miser but you know.. there are other ways to help)

however, yesterday was obviously not a good day and giving how affected they were, it really pissed me off. so i said, rather unpleasantly..

no, not really?*nicole richie bitchie way* GOODBYE!*beams back at them*

and his face dropped into the "omg, you're such a bitch.i hope you choke on your wedges face"

and i nearly threw the book i had been reading, at him.

anne however, said sure and took out a note. she even asked about whether they would be going up to visit the cyclone victims and the freshmen just stared blankly at her and mumbled a "huh?nooooo." thanks anne. you prolonged my misery. you just HAD to make conversation with them. just give them the damn money! its like, here, i'll pay you to leave me alone okay?

i honestly think they couldn't string out a reply intelligently because...
1) they were too shocked to see two contrasting characters having lunch together. one, an angel from heaven giving money to the less fortunate. another, the anti christ from hell's pass refusing money to cyclone victims and holing up away with her v.c andrews. self centredly no doubt.

2) they're stupid and actually haven't read about the cyclone victims but enjoy basking in the alturistic ways of normal humans out to get social fame and recognition. urgh.

3) they're freshmen and therefore scared of juniors(yr2s). (aiyah.then dont go bouncing around school)

URGH. i'm sorry. i've been rather nasty of late!:( i can't wait for wed!YAY!

B.T.S.B

i'm sick, i'm suffering from a severe case of B.T.S.B. the doctors say its useless and that i just have to wait it out. its one of those things like salmonella where you can only wait it out and pray it won't do permanent internal damage to the system.

what if i never get well again?

i fear for my life:(

in any case, i'm really upset. hmmm, and i blew $42 on lunch. i just ate and ate and ate and ateeeeeeeeee. comfort food i call it. binging is so passe but argh, it does the trick.shucks.i'm so dead. i'm so sick and i'm going to die and i hate the world AND i think people are such a waste of space AND i pray that the terrorists/secret militants will come bomb temasek poly when its deserted(no innocent lives lost and school will be, er. non existent)AND urghhhhh. i'm so so so annnnnoyed:(

oh, and lest you think i've violated the rules of grammar in all its worldly wonder, i am aware that there can be no more than one "and" in a sentence. however, the multiple "ands" in my previous paragraph just go to show the succession of emotions from irksome worthy events.

URGH. i'm so short tempered now.

and by the way, B.T.S.B stands for "back to school blues".

shucks, i'm going to die:(

this is exactly how i feel. and do you realise. the focus of the photograph is not on bryce, but is instead on the magazine he is ahem, MOCK reading. so, bryce is the background and the magazine is the foreground. don't you sometimes feel that way? when you're getting so pissed off and angry but you're cast into the background(not that you're yearning for centre stage) but it sucks when focus is on such frivolties.

URGH. annoyed:(

BOREDness is the new BOREDom

you know, i've been reduced to creating new words. i have since changed boredOM to boredNESS. you know why? okay, i think this is going to be really clever and all of you are going to be blown away by my infinite wisdom..but but but. i changed the OM to NESS because, if you think about it. when people are bored, they don't meditate on the indian God "OM", they think of the loch NESS monster and its origins.

RIGHT? RIGHT? omg, i'm so brilliant O_o*

in any case, i'm really too lazy to blog (and upload photos for that matter), so i decided to do a video entry. its one of those videos that i'll be too embarrassed to watch 5 years down but i'll still upload it anyway because... i haven't met A LOT OF YOU IN AGES! and i hope this will help satiate YOUR IMMENSE HUNGER TO SEE ME till we next meet. much love and care, WATCH THE DAMN VIDEO YOU PEOPLE. i know you want to. its truly lois at her freakishly finest:)



please watch it till the end. I LOVE MY SONG AND ITS LYRICS:) omg. i'm such a loser -_-*

finesse

i was at a ball on saturday when i was suddenly hit with this immense wave of boredom and worthlessness. so, i looked around me(in this innane hope of a makeshift saviour) but only saw all these happy-made-up-faces. i obviously wasn't too happy since i had nothing to do and my head hurt. thankfully, the trees were kind and i saw this stack of shangri-la hotel note paper on the table. i snatched it and starting drawing.

while everyone else was fawning over their food or going on about the clip playing, i was creating the coolest cartoon character of all time. i present to you,
are you ready?

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MR TOFU & THE 2 BLACK BEANS

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GET IT? GET IT?

okay, i shan't ostracize the people who don't get it. i'll explain the comic strip okay? well, basically i drew inspiration from the rumours and typecast(noun) that the whites and blacks portray.

you know how when you watch television programmes and negroes are considered the scum of the earth whereas the white men are to be greatly revered? well, they're obviously represented above, through the two characters used. explicitly, might i add. anyhow, literature devices and character studies have proven well in the usage of drawing parallels to well known fairytales and whatever tofu said in the first box.

by saying "my skin's the fairest of 'em all", the artist(me) is trying to elicit this negative feeling from the readers towards mr.tofu. are you feeling it dammit? therefore, it sets the platform for the whole strip... that the whites are exuding dominance over the nation because of the colour of their skin. like how queen mother tried to exterminate snow white because snow white was like this beautiful fry.

so, that's part 1. on to part 2...

in it, it's quite "you get what you see" so, since its so self explanatory. i'll just leave it at that. just a thought to ponder on however, would be the fact that i changed it from a speech bubble to a thought bubble. that way, mr. tofu will never be sued for defamation. though as the artist, i probably will. o_O. okay, i admit i didn't consider that.

Part 3

this bit of the comic strip is a little different because its open to 2 interpretations. 1 of which i'm more accepting of, of course. oh, in case you dont know what the bit in part 3, viewer's left is.. its a quashed mr. tofu. oh, and the black beans are saying "black but harder you white shit!"

interpretation #1
that the whites will one day get wiped out by their lousy shit ass democratic decisions and the blacks will laugh at them because of their hard political standings on certain issues... and also due to the fact that they've been hardened by the world's past discriminatory issues. i.e to kill a monkingbird/racial laws stating that it is wrong to kill a negro..so that besides the murder charge, an added charge of racial killings will be slapped on that person(sure, it protects but think about it, its discriminatory in itself)

interpretation #2
er, well. think about hard... in terms of sex...and how turgid/flaccid/hard/soft has to do with the human anatomy?i don't want to explicitly type it out. its not very nice. also, if you still don't get it(because you're innocent and you've been living under a rock) then think along the lines of "negroes are better lovers than the white men". also consider the fact that i didn't use white trash but instead, white shit.

don't you just LOVE literary devices? they're so fun to play with. well, toodles. i know i still owe all of you photos from my birthday, the ball and other things. urgh. i'm so damn lazy. sorrrrrrry!

teenagers are glue-sticks

you want to know the truth about parents? they're the most brilliant creatures to ever roam this earth. do you think they mispronnounce words/slang because they're stupid?

no, my dears. you're terribly mistaken. they do it, so that they can annoy every bit in you and hopefully embarrass you to a point of no return. it suddenly just dawns on us that every kiss, every hug, every"AH GIRL AH, GOT BRING YOUR SANITARY PAD OR NOT?", was premeditated and infused at strategic time gauges.

they do it, to ruin us.

HAHA. of course not. they're not so free!( but they are. i'm just writing this here as a disclaimer. no death is involved so it won't breach the unfair contract terms act.HAH. in your face)

in any case, i'm here today as Lois the Saviour. i will explain to you how a parent functions/thinks and we shall outsmart them. lets start with a case study as retold by unreliable sources. namely, fellow teenagers.

CASE STUDY X

teen X: i want to go play LAN games tonight till 3am.
X's mom: no, i forbid you to.
teen X: f*ck you lah! i want to LAN through the night. all my friends are doing it.
X's mom: no. i won't allow it*keeps strong but is precariously balancing on the verge of motherly sanity and human dignity*
-end-

OKAY, end of case study example. now, let's do a fair lady and point out all the mistakes in that conversation. we call it, the analysis, or what teen X will probably call. the analysisation. i rest my case.

ANALYSIS OF CASE STUDY X

why does X's mom not allow X to "go play LAN games"? and till "3am" for that matter?

its because X's mom thinks that LAN is a thinly disguised version of "lan jiao" which ultimately means penis in hokkien. you see, parents aren't that stupid. they take their cues from the people who know the "violence business" best. the hokkien mafia. so, how would that affect the mother? she obviously wouldn't want to hear of her son going to play penis games till 3am in the morning. DUH.

next statement to be analysed "f*ck you lah!" this is a great big shocker. parents believe that teens are at a stage where sarcasm rides on a century's high. this also means that they'll take the "f*ck you lah" statement at face value but with negative connotations... simply put. they just interpreted the statement as an indecent, incestuous proposal. *gasp*

does this not shed some light on why parents turn your requests down? it's all about the art of asking. you can make your parents agree to EVERYTHING if you only know how to do it. what X really should have done was say.

"Dear mother, can i please go for this once in a lifetime educational offer. there's this game which helps us deal in real life issues like trading and protecting yourself/increasing your strength(by killing other people no doubt). i don't learn this in school but i want to better myself. i want to be the child that you raised me up to be. someone who can deal with real life issues and studies. can i please go? its an intensive course so it might last till 3am. but for you mother, and the betterment of our family as an entity, i will persevere through the long hours and come out a victor. if i do well in tonight's game. there might be future installments. I WILL DO THIS MOTHER! "

you see, the mother would obviously let X go.

haha, okay. that was bullshit. it wouldn't even run for pelican brief. i'm really just messing with you. being absolutely anal for no reason on end only because annoying people is excitedbly, the most enticing prospect that everyone should jump wagon for.

so, feeling brilliant already?

i feel like, f*cking brilliant *winks*


p.s if you didn't get the last statment. you didn't get the entire post you dumbass.

its cough syrup for the healthy

three days ago, i told myself

"Lois Goh, i want you to start up a business/ organisation"

so, armed with a new mission and trying tasks at hand, i did what any other ailing 18 year old would do. i started researching with the means of my laptop.(i daresay my health in recent months has gotten from high school musical to tales from the crypt. i am, an ailing 18 year old. woe!)

in any case, i went down a list of potential job opportunities and came to the conclusion that if i wanted to start something, it had to have low overhead and low commitment levels.

my next thought was, it needed to be a service.

now, what service may i ask requires absolutely no overhead, low commitment levels(rather ad-hoc), brings in the bucks and is relatively easy to do.

AH.-she smiles ever so sweetly-

*cough*sex sells, as usual.*cough*

p.s ailing but chaste mind you! :) taa.

kacang puteh KACHING!

this is the 201st post.

i wrote this while buying dinner home yesterday.

"i honestly believe that i'm losing my mind, and even as i chronicle my mental decadence, i am astounded by the lucidity and awareness that my conscious mind so possesses. i am now reading material way beyond my years(well, not really) and maybe it is just that that ails me so. the fact that i understand perfectly its text and literature but fail to fully appreciate the application process. this serves as a real frustration to me and all who come in contact with me. this unsung perplexity is indeed, seemingly perplexing

and then i dwell in the circumstances that do not befit me and gripe about these lamentable issues; knowing deep in my heart that they don't really bother me so but just serve to be a topic of interest to many since misery loves company and who wouldn't mind a jolly laugh on the preface of bitching and the likes.

but be gone fair child, for i am no more. this shadow of the waif like girl has stolen into the night and will never return. the thief of sanity breeds not and wants not no more so you may rest and be at peace. be at peace my child, be at peace. "
lois 1990-?

on a completely different and more humane note, i hope you're cheerier, daniel!:) and i hope life's looking up min chieh!:) and and and, to all the people who read this oracle. i hope everything will turn bright and cheery soon!:)

p.s, and to think i sounded so demented in the first few paragraphs.. i'm actually really happy nowadays. must be the aftereffects of a great birthday!:) haha. and the fact that holidays draw near!:)

much love to those around. please text me all your numbers again because if you don't already know, my mother sat on my phone on my birthday and it broke. so here's me, trying to regain my life again:)

i love the fact that i keep quoting myself nowadays,it makes me feel so important that i'm actually QUOTE WORTHY!:)

xoxo

BIRTHDAY GIRL:)

Dear God,
Lois isn't ready for her 18th birthday. 2days, thats all she asks for. Lois wants an extension. like a project deadline. lois just isn't ready for the birthday.
Love, Lois.

well, i wrote that on the 7th of feb and i'm not sure if it was ever granted since we don't get physical proof of prayer requests. well, in some instances we do but thats not the point. what i'm saying is that there's no sure proof of authenticity in the form of a certificate. no matter, no matter.

i sat there, in the early hours of the morning, labouring over my quiet time materials. i just couldn't make sense of anything. maybe it was the apprehension of the day to come, maybe it was the birthday.

maybe.

so i huddled by my blanket and brought my knees up to my chin, quickly assuming the pseudo gauche role; letting my fingers run its course down my legs while my thoughts ran a course of their own..

then, i got ready for chinese new year visitations.

the day passed without incident until this absolutely horrible incident left me confused and empty. it wasn't the incident per se but more so, my reactions to it. all i have to say, is that, i learnt a big life lesson that day and its almost life changing.

that, was almost enlightening and the messages from the morning and the day before just came flooding back in absolute lucidity. the 7th of feb will pass me by whether i like it or not. its how i react to it and see it, which makes all the difference. i've always been the negative nut such but this year, my life changed.

my 18th birthday, though fraught with the most problems and insercurities thus far was probably the most fruitful birthday ever.

birthdays are about giving but we always forget to give a present to ourselves. this year, i remembered to give myself a present and that made all the difference.

Dear Lois,
thank you for giving me, perspective.
Love, Lois.

p.s details of my birthday will be updated in due course. taa!

the msn nick says all

my msn nick says it all. like the daily bugle, hear ye! hear ye!


friends, this is my msn nickname (which my church leader promptly found fault with. oh gosh, really? is it really, that, disturbing? i think not. its really how you look at it and when you think the worst of the person, imagination probably becomes your undoing. i would term this as the social "dillema case" as an 'exception' under 'contributory negligence'.) and i digress, oops! my msn nickname, friends.

"because we're all, prostitutes"

why do people find fault with such a nickname or statement? all i'm trying to say is that we all sell ourselves at one point in time which is what prostitutes ultimately do. even i, would coin this interpretation as the superficial meaning to the statement... and not the fact that we are people who line the streets of katong and geylang or keong siak for that matter soliciting and offering services to unattractive sex crazed men.

and should my church leader think that i am insinuating that he may be a prostitute, as like the rest of the world; then he is sorely sorely wrong. or else, he must be really daft to believe that. i wouldn't know what he does in his own time:) okay, that last statement was uncalled for. here, let me neutralise it.. i'm not calling anyone a sex slave.

so, on the superficial level, its about selling ourselves. and when i say "selling ourselves", i mean, doing something against our natural principles to attain some forms of gain. like prostitutes who sell their bodies for a little cash and rewards, some of us would do something we normally wouldn't, just to fit in with the crowd. is that not, selling yourself out?

when people say, oh, she's changed. she's really loud now and stuff like that. i think "prostitute", she sold her soul. so, that's really all there is to it. of course, this is no ultimatum. [like the thinking students that MOE desperately wants us to be, there must always be a second side to every issue. (albeit the fact that third, fourth and fifth sides are what's required in curriculum nowadays. )]

anyhow, if the person's changed just because she's changed and not because she wants to fit in, then that's fine. leave her alone you freaks. and no, i would never think her a prostitute, or him for that matter.

moving on, we come to the less superficial level.

consider this, you take the bus to school/work(depends on who's reading the blog), and you're sitting next to a prostitute. you would never know for sure though. people don't go around with labels around their necks or heaven forbid, planks as a breastplate dictating what they do for a living or their human characteristics... and should you ever find someone like that, that person probably just read my post and deicded to prove me wrong, or else, a tkgs girl. tkgs girls are, er, really weird.(hey! i'm liable okay!)

my point is, (if you're still hanging on), is the fact that prostitutes show no hint of who they are till you get to the wee hours of the morning of course where suddenly a shot isn't just vodka but more like a shot for $90.(yeah, they count be shots, not hours) if you know what i'm talking about of course. so, they're really just people... pfft, and society says we're racist. HELLO!!!! stop being an "occupationist"!

bottomline, i would replace the word prostitute with the word people. that's what we all are, right? (i sure hope so) in any case, we're all people who happen to be something or another. prostitutes, doctors, kacang puteh seller, medicated oil packer, singer, we all end up in urns anyway(unless you're a muslim, then you'll only end up in an urn like, 6 or 30 years later). so, please stop thinking the worst of others.

now, the third and final layer is really inter-changable with layer 1. no matter, i first came up with the statement because of education. and this is the basis of which i bank this statement on. you see, my mind travels out-toward. it starts from the deepest, crux worthy level, then branches out to the more superficial levels.

anyhow, education eh. we do it all the time. answer me this( this came out for my sec 3 biology exam and i'm sure the tkgs classmates of mine can vouch that this indeed took place) :

“What are the conditions needed for photosynthesis to happen?”

and i wrote on my exam paper sunlight, water, carbon dioxide, chlorophyll and love. Tay circled it and marked it wrong. chey, REALLY MEH? i really don't think so. without love, the plant would cease growing. without love, there would be no effort and this question would thus cease to exist. (omg lois, so far fetched!) in any case, i really didn't think that my answer was wrong and don't we do it all the time? let the teachers mark what they want to see and no what you really believe in?

i once answered a question through the means on a comic strip and my main character was a maimed vietnamese starfish(which was stellar in all standards of art by the way) but i got marked wrong because i didn't write it in proper sentences. oh, woe. going against the system always sucks. that's why, we're all prostitutes. because, we dare not go against the crowd and end up selling ourselves out with answers that educators want to hear.

this is most upsetting. i cannot stand how people live their whole lives thinking literally when its really the lateral thinking that calls out to them. how can people go live their lives without thinking? without digging further and farther into the depths of knowledge. do they not, want pearls of wisdom to fall by their feet? where is this thirst of knowledge!!? people just let the pearls of knowledge go. these must be very generous people. daft, but generous i suppose?

and after all the fiest and angst has fallen away as shrivelled crusts to a peeled onion, there's just a question left to answer. so let me pose it to you, on neutral and unoppressed grounds..

so, are you a prostitute?

and i'll stand my ground even if i may be flogged because if you have no principles, you have nothing. this, is who i am and i will not be oppressed. *kudos to amelia for snapping this picture of me.loves!*

xoxo,
lois

accent gone awry

there are some days when something really bad happens and you can't breathe and you really just want to cry but you dare not since you're still too rational to cry. yet, you feel your chest tightening and your airpipe's getting increasingly choked. constricted and panicky, you call those closest to you.


perhaps i overdramatise, but no.


today, all that, happened to me. thankfully, the thought of being surrounded with close friends comforted me and i slowly regained my composure. i decided to just curl up in a corner and read a book/ have a plate of ice cream, whilst awaiting their arrival.


i know that there's really no cause for concern since people in the world are dying or getting raped or something but why use the measure of relativity and put a number to my misery? i am me and this ails me so. i hope we all have a mutual understanding on my rationale, no?


ARGH.


today was such a bad day.


there goes lois, with her head in the clouds. is there anything that will ever shake her out of that morbid customised utopia she lives in? she believes that on the whole, everything's just so perfect and unassuming. sure, she flares up at day-to-day issues, sure, her temper's rather nasty..but on the whole, there's really just, no harm in the world lois lives in. its always termed as an exercise of patience, or exercise of restraint.


take for example: today.


today was mainly, an exercise of restraint/patience/love/assertiveness/will, all rolled into one. let's extrapoliate this concept for a moment and look at it from a "de generis"(my hullaba for general) point of view.


on the bigger scale, something was basically taken away from me even after having been abated, furiously might i add. then, a statement passed, not to rub salt in your raw wounds(that would only qualify if it was on the issue per se), but as a suggestion. of which the motive was rather dubious. what was taken away had taken years to build up and all these, try as you might, to build it all up again, would only result in details being lost in the process.


it didn't matter, a little part of me died today but something else grew.. not to replace the void of course but a separate emotional entity nonetheless.


THANK YOU SI YING!!! THANK YOU MIN CHIEH!!! AND THANK YOU DANIEL!!! for just being there for me while i went through the "asthma" attack and the psycho "cascading" strawberry missles, listening to me blab non stop and trying to repeat to me what i said, verbatim...with this genuine quizzical look of curiosity and concern. okay, maybe not look..but it sounded it anyhow.


and now, i am just too tired to carry on. so i end, with a photo of lois goh.. in happier times.


we're us, you're you and i'm i.

new is new when wen is wen

okay, so its 2-0-0-8.

and this year, i spent it across the universe*collapses in a heap of giggles singing lucy in the sky with diamonds*. well, i can feel it in my bones/blood... i'm changing. my values are essentially the same but my work takes me to other crowds; crowds that are unfamiliar to my present circles. its no biggie of course since i'm fundamentally more level headed than i really let on. its, balance, that will keep me going.

now, because i've been running around a lot lately, here are some of the photos i took whilst on them trips.

as stated in a previous post, JASON YEUNG CHIT SUM came back for a holiday and it was absolutely MANDATORY for me to meet up with him. eee, stupid medical student. oxymoron, maybe not eh? :)

presenting, jason! and welcome to the world of unflattering photographs. its reall quite silly actually. we'd gabbed on for hours without realising that we hadn't taken a photo and as we were walking to the bus stop, it dawned on us, OMG. NO PHOTO!!! so we were stressing out about how to get a photo taken WHEN i lowered my camera and saw nicholas kang wenhao standing a few metres away. SAVED! :) so i forced kang kong to snappety snap for us. FORCED.

the next day, i was due to emcee for the Singapore Basketball Referees Association's founding dinner. the food was REALLY good, i kid you not.
1/2 of Gim Siong's face.
my emcee partner. me,english. he, chinks.
edric, paulin, me= B.A ROCKS!
yet again.

righti-o.two days after emceeing gig was justin tan's commissioner's ball. being a close friend, he asked me to go so i went. aww, don't be sad, justin! evelyn(his girlfriend) will be back soon enough! :)

upon arrival.. I NEED A DRINK!!!!!WAITER!!!!
our placecards
justin and his er, day job. PIMPING BABEHHH. (i think sarah's really hot)
i don't want to talk to you. FINE!WHATEVER!
okay, maybe we can talk a little. haha, alright.

AND NOW... onto CHRISTMAS. it was a really sedated christmas for me. i basically spent it with the kids and relatives in the morning and a movie marathon later that day. it felt weird to spend christmas without my parents.
merry christmas bryce dear
bryce, you're such a big boy now
bryce playing with his remote controlled monster truck
monster truck over-turned

kimi and her please-don't-take-my-photo look. she's so cute!

a couple of days later, we had a dramaplus arts reunion. it was smaller than i expected and it was mostly made up of the kidsco2 people. WHERE ARE ALL THE KIDSCO PIONEERS?*in hong kong apparently* HMPH. well, the kidsco pioneers like charmaine, marcus, rachel, martin?, and i were just hanging out in a corner because the kidsco2 people seemed rather, er, unwelcoming.. carla and jason were, er, buffering. so, lets just call them kidsco 1b and 2a for now.

RACHEL HO RUIZHEN(i think thats your name)!!! my soul sister!
MARTIN, the mr SPIDEYman
marcus the SINGER ehhh?, martin, rach and me
charmaine. my best friend in dpa a looooong time back
dpa :) well, a fraction of it at least.

this was lunch at mogu mogu. it was one of those very random lunches with very random people. crispin had to pass me my christmas present and lijin and i needed lunch. earl was there cos earl was there.
earl, crispin.
i dragged jin along cos i fell in love with the mogu mogu waitress and i REALLY wanted to have a photo with her but i didn't dare to.so,lijin, being my sugar DADDY, helped.waitress so pretty!!!!

this wasn't planned but it was a good surprise in any case. okay, i shall TRY to go for culture. this is mel love and felicia darling. TKGIANS UNITE! :)

OKAY, SO FINALLY, WE REACH 2008. after watching across the universe, i didn't feel like going home so we swung by coffee bean for a snack and a drink.

3am and eating by the drain. destitute? aye.
egg pita is homeless. oh, poor starving african children, dig this bro.
this is so like the world. catastrophe= ruined egg pita. two elephants walking away from each other= two countries after a proxy war. ITS NONE OF OUR BUSINESS, they say...
naked and caught, stark raving mad.
yeah? whatever. it's 2008 man... chill.

the year just got better with me meeting up with JOELLE HE SHIYUN!!!best friend in tkgs who followed her dreams and is now studying music in Rochester New York!:) sigh, i want to go over too dearie!!!!

i was feeling out of sorts that morning and i was puking all morning but after i got to school, it was all good..then it became better when i finally got to parkway, dinner.joelle.loves. we will probably never get this camwhoring thing right
okay, much better.(side note, please eat more,lois. you look deathly)
joelle got this for my christmas present. its an earring with a bell at the bottom..so i sound like a cow when i turn my head from side to side.HAHA:) thanks joelle!:)
joelle and her 8DOLLARS instant noodles.
me and my fried sausage with goose liver sausage
joelle is popular
and so am i!
i love my keds.... and parkway... and pbl tort paper thing...and the world
i swear, we'll NEVER get the photo riiiight.
last photo of meet-up, perfect:)

lijin is due for thailand on the 7th which is also the day the acib boys get their results back. ALL THE BEST LOKEY!KEN LUI!TIM TEO!JITYEW!and every other acib boy. anyhow, lijin and i decided to have lunch at dempsey with his n.s friends, joel, stanley and his girlfriend. i had school in the morning so i didn't get to eat at dempsey. i ended up lunching at sakae in town. yay:)

dempsey, old school man.
27B. spooky
it wasn't us.
cosmopolitan girl in a not so cosmopolitan world
its the balance of nature that'll bring her through the day.
maybe?

and there ended our dempsey excursion. i was feeling peckish so we headed down to town for some sakae sushi, compliments of kenneth yeoh lijin of course.
wasabi sushi with NO kick.
yum. i'm usually averse to the whole wasabi/chilli/spicy bonanza but this was okay.
i suspect he was on ecstasy(yao tou wan)

yes, it's flattering. real flattering, lois.

and so ended life, so far.

i'm getting rather nervey actually. it'll be my 18TH BIRTHDAY in exactly 32 days and that's really un-nerving. its daniel's birthday in 30 days and honestly, i'm not sure if i should go with birthday present 1 or birthday present 2. i guess i have 30 days to decide right?

i think 2007 was a year of reckoning. it was also the year i finally decided to be determined in chasing my dreams. i've always found it impossible to live, as a struggling artiste/thespian(whichever presides). fame, had always been the measure of the art. in 2007, i finally gave up the chase for fame, instead, i chased my dreams. my dream of being a medium for emotions and expressions. thats, when everything clicked and fell into place.

my love for drama had been rekindled.

i felt like giving up at many points in 2007 but the people around me opened their hearts and cheered me on. i think the friends i made in tkgs kept me sane and so did other random arbitrary people. though, its mostly my faith that kept me afloat for so long.

2007 was a horrible year for my health, i now weigh 5kg less than what i used to weigh, a miserable 47kg..and dropping. nearing the end of the year, i collapsed at the train station and thankfully the mrt staff helped me out. its been a real nutty year and i'm thoroughly exhausted but life isn't about looking back. its not even about looking forward. its about looking up.

if there's one thing i've held on fast to, its

MORIBUS MODESTUS,
DEMURE & RESOLUTE

like the tkgian, i'll persevere with grace and come out determined but not unfurled.

2008, as all positive and purists would put it, will be a better year. i think, its going to be a really eventful year. did i tell you? i got accepted into the young company. that singapore repertory theatre drama group that i'd auditioned for but thought i'd been rejected.

it turned out that they'd been too busy with their productions that they didn't have a chance to release the results till end-dec 07. i'm happy though:) finally, life after school.

i don't feel like ending this post because it seems incomplete.

in any case, to all my friends, MUCH LOVE FROM LOIS!!!:) we'll meet up soon:) i promise:)

brown pennies are cool.

HAPPY 2008 EVERYONE! :) *and don't forget, lois is turning 18 VERY SOON*

jesse james is in THE house

i was on one of my literary sabbaticals recently and as i sat on the wooden benches outside sinema@ mount sophia(which is a lovely place by the way), i felt really small. and as it started to get chilly, i pulled my sweater closer to my body but the cold just penetrated. its unrelenting demeanour fuelled me to think that i was powerless.

then, there was a sudden surge of all these inexplicable energies and i could sub consciously feel social wounds healing and a void in my heart being filled. like a biscuit of enlightenment, something inside me was crumbling and pictures of my mother as a young schoolgirl started flipping past me. i felt like i was in the dvd menu of "click" and my memories were just passing me by.

in the hope of stilling this overwhelming feeling, i closed my eyes and concentrated on the rain and its whispers; whispering the secrets of the world in the soft gentleness but alas, it was being stubborn that day. my own secrets came to me instead and words started to form as supplements to my insane cause...

*excerpt from my brain(full text)*

In the chaos, be with me.
In the stillness, I am free.

Sanity(1990-?)

continuing, i think its right to say that in recent days, i've been hit with the sum of all fears and, the beat goes on. history has turned a page and i'm struck once again by what a plooey i really am. so, here's to me and my blue ants! :) cheers.

and all i really want for christmas...

1. is to be on the oprah winfrey show.
2. is for hugh grant to do my make up and hair for me
3. is for poor prima deli to get their business going again
4. is for NUS to call and beg me to study at their varsity
5. is for ants to turn blue
6. is a snail wearing a green bikini
7. is lasagne, specially baked by anyone dear to me
8. is for north korean officials to evaporate
9. is ikea (no, really.)

and onto more tangible and attainable means...

1. the testicles of a mao leftist
2. a lock of cher's hair and her cheek cells
3. pandora's box(the box of a girl named pandora living in kansas)
4. a zebra
5. the bus tickets that julie delpy and ethan hawke used in "before sunrise"
6. stan's (from southpark) headgear
7. an ipod classic/nano VIDEO
8. the chairmanship of the wall street journal? rigghhht.
9. a musical box filled with photos of dear ones

righti-o.

in all my pessimism, here's lois goh wishing all of you a MERRY CHRISTMAS! :) really, go be merry people! you deserve it. its been a nutty year. i would know.. :)

its a lois!! run!!!

and now, the mandatory PAPERSTARS post.

PAPERSTARS 2007 was...
ABSOLUTELY HAPPENING!


CREW

Producer:- Kee Ya Ting
Director:- Terence Samuel Tay
Director of photography:- Muhd Faried
Editor:- Muhd Sulaimi
Writer/Sound engineer:- NurFazilah

CAST
Jia Yee:- Charis Vera Ng
Charlene:- Goh Leyu Lois-Acacia
Charlene's mother:- Kelly Lim
Charlene's father:- Gerald Chew
Auntie Cheong:- Low Xiao Rong
Felicia:- Laura Kee
Mr Lim:- Randall Tan
Ai Ning:- Amanda Yu
Hui Ting:- Vicky
Amelie:- Almaas Shazea
Sally:- Charlotte Chin
Mrs. Ismail:- Kasma Ahmad
Mr. Singh:- Hemang Yadav

Filming was from the 20th - 28th Nov and i'm sure that all of us lost it at least one point in time but through it all, we all finished what we started out to do. Some left the filming with heavy hearts and words unspoken, others looked away with the shame of not having done their best and the rest, well, they were more relieved that the hysteria of finding the perfect lighting was finally over.

I'll leave the pensive moments for later though. First, i'd like to document the days, not so much in detail but, just a record. Memories are meant to be fully detailised in your heart anyway.

DAY1(20th nov):- ngee ann poly toilet scene

the day passed without much incident. Ya Ting came to get me from school and together with uncle Tay, we headed down to ngee ann poly.

there, ALMAAS! CHARLOTTE! LAURA!(alphabatically arranged) were filming some bits so i went to change into my school uniform. later, gabby helped put on the make up.

the helpers:) REI. FAIZAL. ALVIN(bugger/mel).SULAIMI.EARL
cast:) CHARLOTTE. ALMAAS. LAURA.
MAKE-UP:) gabby putting on my make up
MAKE UP EPISODE 2:) ya ting touching up for me
they were zoned out, i think?

i was so thankful for charlotte and mas that day because i was still testing water and getting a feel of the crew and location. i'd later come to realise that my doubts were unfounded though and i was just being anal and over-protective of myself. (what?lois goh! you're such a loser)

so, char, mas and i were bitching about HOW GUYS SUCK. red, rei and earl joined in and started mimicing us. TSK. RE-ITERATED MAN! but it was all good and that day ended too soon.

DAY 2(21st nov):- Qing Feng Coffeeshop scene

honestly, this was one of my favourite scenes because it was the explicit build up to the climax of the film, yet it also doubled up as an implicit build up in ways apart from the fighting scene. it was probably the scene that set the foundation and catalysed a change in charlene's emotional character dynamics.

i heard that the day had started out real bad because the rain was terribly unrelenting and the equipment had just conked out. this of course, resulted in a loooooong wait, on charis' groups part. woe.

CHARIS:)
BUNNY:)
VICKY :)

RED:)errr, UNCLE.MARLBORO MENTHOL PLEASE?

Day 3(22nd nov):- Jurong West Secondary scene

the day had started out with fun and laughs. for the first time in our lives, charlotte and i witnessed the cab meter jump to $30+. well, its no surprise of course. pasir ris, ang mo kio and finally jurong west. YIKES.

so, in the morning and the psycho ex sixers did what we did best. (ex sixers being charlotte and me(hail 4e6). )we were prancing and dancing and heaven forbid, seducing each other to the hairspray soundtrack. tsk, tsk.

later, we sat down to draw up some class announcements. charlotte and her NO PRE-MARITAL SEX(mrs. Ho must have taught her real well in sex ed.) and my gorbachev's mama(mr. Ang will be upset at how historically blasphemous i've become).

oh, and have i mentioned, this would turn out to be a TERRIBLE day(on my part of course). i apologise for being cranky:(

daniel, jeremy, timothy and wei-an arrived in due time with tim's girlfriend in tow. by then of course, i was sort of out of sorts and daniel being the best friend made me a little happier:) haha.
soon after, si ying arrived and all were present.

filming that day was probably the most well done. it really felt like we were on the set of "i not stupid" or something. and and and, they all got to see Randall tan. haha. lucky people.

(i'm getting really lazy and my head hurts so i'll just point form the rest of the day)
- lost my ez link card
- was pissed the whole day
- everyone had fun seeing randall
- had to rush off because of my public speaking exam at 2
- ez link card still lost
- anger.frustration.
- found ez link card:)
- thanks to Ya Ting:) Terence:) Rei:) Earl:) and everyone else who i called to harrass

charlotte being mrs. ho's pet :) HAHA.

me being historically blasphemous :) i'm KICKASS in art:)


Daniel!:) Wei-an!:) and thats tim peeking out from behind dan:) oh, and the girlfriend.
Sulaimi! PANTAT MAN!
WELCOME TO 4E6 2007 where the class really should read 6E4 2007 cos everyone's olddd!
4e6 with LIT TEACHER, Randall Tan! :)
Laura's got this timeless, picturesque face. lovely.
humour me. i love how this picture falls into place/frame
Rei, concentrating on the task at hand. BEST SLATE AWARD RECIPIENT:)
"dammit woman, just listen to me. i'm the director!" haha, sammy being patient with my onslaught of inane questions :)

DAY 4(23rd nov):- 1st crack in the family scene

this was the day i finally got to meet my parents. we quickly fell into our roles and there was an inexplicable tension going on between my mother and i. my relationship with my father was of course non- existent. no, its not that i didn't bond with my parents off set, but its more like, we had a goal to accomplish so we sort of carried on in our roles even off set.

i was bitching with gabby and kelly(my mother) for most part of the day and it was good:) gabby and i started playing with our potatoes. oh, woe be to sammy who tried to stop us from playing but to no avail. that was the day everyone went into their small little worlds. HAHA. rei and his dancing, sulaimi and his make up and others doing their own weird things.

Gerald Chew! :) my pa

Kelly Lim! :) My ma
Gabby!:) my bitching partner
Acacia! :) my twin

the, omg my mother's having an affair scene. very scandalous.. i like!
oh, the light blew. hence, the mandatory shot of the fuse box. yes, its an everyday occurence
my POTATO!!!!!!(yes lois, bore us to death by stating the obvious)
earl and rei, hard at work
red, hard at work.
rei, reeling from the effects of too much hard work. conker bonkers!

day 5(24th nov):- general office scene + emo crying bedroom scene

okay, scary. SCARY day. everyone was just plain tired:( but surprisingly, we still managed to have fun and joke around. i don't know why we could still be so happy and high even admidst the mood. ah, i'll let the photos do the talking!

you don't fool me!! they're jaundiced breasts!!! papayas? you must be bananas!
Hemang Yadav!:) crispin!!! he's Hemang!!!
ehm. hur hur.
we love each other and we want the whole world to know...
EARL! RED! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? you guys are so gross!!!! s377a of the penal code!!!
eh. but i like it what!! seeing earl and red like that makes me happy!!

okay lois, i need more blood on your temple!wah lah! break up, break out and break down

YaTing's eeyore and my rats getting, er, acquainted.
and the night draws on.
it wasn't me.
this was a must because janice looked really cute!!!!! haha:)
EMILLIE!:) my lovely goldfish.



day 6(25th nov):- FIGHTING SCENE


this was the day where more fights occured apart from the very obvious fight. as tensions rose, it was probably the friends that brought us through. the weather was being a big crank and as the sun set as quickly as it had risen, we were all left wondering if this was an omen of something bigger.

PEEKTURES!!!

charlotte finds joy with leaves
another timeless look from the one and only, bunny! (amanda yu)
almaas looked too cute. i just HAD to put the picture here.
we love our mini potong sticks. courtesy of Yating.



charis's best photo. lovely ain't it?
cleopatra and julius ceasar. go read them fake papryus reeds
faz!:) oh, so unassuming. gives the photo a nice feel
best friends:)
bitches! well, no. not really.
what the bitches did! well, no. not really.

day 7(26th nov):- charis & gang scene

i wasn't involved with this scene but from the stuff that pantat boy showed me. it looked like good stuff and charis vera ng is one talented girl! kudos:) laura also put on this really convincing act when she looked all dejected and stuff. the chemistry of everyone in that scene just gelled so well. i couldn't help but feel myself melt into the wall of the editing room. my performance in comparison, paled, to say the least.

gark.

*slaps self* lois goh, you're such a failure.

day 8 (27th nov):- reconciliation scene

on set, it was the day charis and i reconciled. off set, it was the day charis and i really bonded. i think this was one of the better days. enough said, words just undermine the experience. *on a side note, we filmed through the night so we filmed all the way till we'd reached sulaimi's birthday,the next day. and THAT'S when be became known as the pantat man:)

havoc vs. placid
charis.vice.love.
and we feel the ground beneath us. but do we really?
it moves.
tong wai(i think its spelt like that) and his whole "sound" image

day 9 (28th nov):- retake of coffeeshop scene

i wasn't needed for the day and besides, i had an exam.

day 10 (29th nov):- dysfunctional family scene

the last day of filming. expectations ran high and we were left feeling, thinking, wondering. it was one of the bittersweet moments where its usually sweeter at one point in time but upon retrospect, more bitter than anything.

i felt, weird.

i guess i felt that way since my whole year spent in poly was so dreary and filming had probably been one of the few things i'd looked forward to. even if it ended at 3am and i had an exam later that morning. or even when i felt like giving up because i'd reached home at 4am but had to force myself to stay awake and chug out my schoolwork.

i was this zombie, ambling aimlessly through school but at least, i was happy and i had direction in my work. it all came to an end, too soon? too late? i'll never know.
our VERY happy family.
okayokay. get ready!!.. er..?
PAPERSTARS!!!! crew+1cast member
CAI SEN YE

MELISSA!!!! awww...
sammy our editor!!! haha, you think?

i love rei's face in this. he looks like a small child
fazzy!!!

and now, lets go for photos of utter miscellany!

faizal and his rupanzel dreams
section 377a of the penal code!!!!
sammyboy! er?!!
getting into character...

if sulaimi were a bank account...
laura during rehearsals
girls like you... shhhould..wwwwaaatch.. theiir...backssssssssssss
miramira!
yes lois, you look really intellectual

sulaimi. enough said. :)

and there you go. my paperstars account. i left out the bitching and gossips. neutral baby, neutral!! haha:) i really haven't an idea how the end product's going to be like but i DO know how the raw footage is and i'm disappointed in myself. mas say's i shouldn't be this way and others say it'll be fine.

ah, que sera sera :)

paperstars xoxo

i lie

want to hear something incredibly hilarious?
i think its much too incredulous for you to believe
i cried, i wailed and then, i became placid and plain
for what i'd just committed was nothing more
than.. than..

* i can't say it.
(psst, i'm too incredibly stupid)

my insatiable valley of stupidity had finally reached full capacity(though theoratically, thats impossible) when i slashed out all my answers this morning. oh god, i'm stupid. which is why, i hope joshua will stop being a gigolo and take up an admin job in tpoly so that he can rig my grades.

ARGH!!! i'm so so so stupid! *slaps self*

LOIS GOH! you are a STUPID child.

pffft. jhjhfbfgrrivgybrf.

as i was walking home in the rain, i felt my brain gain a face. then, my brain turned to me and it wore a sad look of magnified disappointment. thats, when i really felt like kicking myself. oh, but it doesn't end there (woe be to me, cheery chums!). my brain turned away from me, only to be attacked by these other creatures. i'll call them agents of intelligentsia.

so, today, my brain...

died.

valedictorian 2007

i'm valedictorian 2007. it came as a shock but i'm happy nonetheless. anyhow, i'm just kidding. i'll only get to be valedictorian until my exam ends at 4pm today. I'M BUSY MUGGING SO GO AWAY! don't call me or text me unless you're getting murdered or felt up! in which case, i doubt i'd be of any help anyway.

bottomline. go away.



and as proof of my stressed out-studying for exams- look. i present to you my classic depressed look. *taken from paperstars* THANK YOU YATING/EARL for taking this photo. not sure who took it. i think it was earl though.



PAPERSTARS-
classroom scene

i'm. so. tired.

*snores*

next stop, novena

i think jason yeung chit sum is back. YAY! i need to catch up with him, its been far too long! :( anyhow, i'm absolutely pooped but the friends i've made in the last two weeks have made up for all its misgivings.

i'm so thankful for the chance they gave me.

as noticed, this post is just a filler; till i get my brain back. i have scheduled my brain transplant on thursday so don't DISTURB ME. i really really need my sleep.

AH! i'm sorry EVERYBODY!!! its not that i don't receive your texts!!! its just that, i'm too gone to think of a reply, so i usually reply 3 days late. andandand, I'M SORRY TORT PBL GROUP!! :( thank you for accomodating my psycho timetable. i know you do gripe at times but, its expected. THANK YOU !!!

anyhow, here's something i find interesting.

according to section 38, chapter 87 (education act) of the singapore statutes
Grounds for refusal to register a teacher.
38. The Director-General may refuse to register a person as a teacher if the applicant —

(a) is not of good character;

(b) has been convicted before any court of competent jurisdiction in Singapore or in Malaysia or in any part of the Commonwealth, of an offence punishable with imprisonment or of an offence under this Act or under any previous written law relating to education or the registration of schools or under any similar law in force at any time in Malaysia;

(c) has previously been refused registration as a manager on grounds which would also have precluded his registration as a teacher, or has been refused registration as a teacher under this Act or any previous written law relating to education or the registration of schools or any similar law in force at any time in Malaysia;

(d) has been struck off the register on the cancellation of his registration as a teacher under this Act or under any previous written law relating to education or the registration of schools or under any similar law in Malaysia, unless the cancellation of his registration as a teacher has taken place because of his resignation or because the school in which he was employed has ceased to exist;

(e) is unable to furnish evidence of medical fitness to the satisfaction of a medical officer of schools appointed in accordance with section 51;

(f) has at any time under any written law made a statement false or misleading in a material particular in an application for registration as a teacher or in information supplied in connection with the application;

(g) is likely to influence his pupils in a manner prejudicial to their welfare or to the public interest; or

(h) does not possess the minimum qualifications prescribed in the regulations made under this Act.

SO, YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!! frame your teachers now. but, you should also be well acquainted with the corruption act and fraudulent practices. don't say i didn't warn you. i think subsection (a) cracks me up the most.

yawn, and i grudgingly trudge to school with my brain half liquidified and my eyes, positively wall. =_=

don't tase me bro! just shoot me. =_= becomes =_=*

LIVID

hello, my name is livid and i'm really livid. also, i'm in love with a few punctuation notations. namely, -_- (thats what you call seething with rage)


and i learnt a new word today, nabei.

nabei.

-_-.

thus, i end my day

kimi wong

introducing, KIMI WONG YU FANG! bryce wong kun ming's sister! kimi recently celebrated her 1 month birthday and she was such a darling! :) so, i now knight this post, a picture post. ENJOY! :)

now, up close.
on her 1 month celebration, thats her night nurse, auntie agnes :)
the day after her 1 month celebration
and not forgetting, brycie dear!! (i know the focus of the collage is weird.i'm still trying to figure out how the collage thing works. i suck)
there are many things that i can learn, only from children. perseverance and determination being the traits that stood out this year. this year, i made it one of my resolutions to be determined and persevere during rough times.

i'm glad to say that, the year is coming to a close soon enough and i've held fast to my resolutions. this year, admidst all my complaints of the social "debaucharies", social "degeneration" and social "douche", i've learnt a lot.

and though i hate the predicament i am in now, i'm loving it. i take it as gruelling training for the working world and life itself. haha, i must experience extreme solidarity to truly understand how to bring it across to the masses. YAY.

and, when do people turn from friends to lovers?

i think i now know :)

PART 2 of my photo post.(random outings)

singapore zoo!
bre and i, waiting for the night safari thing to start
STOP! i command :)
i think his name is alex and he's greek/hawaiian smth smth.
the happy family:)

random bugis outing with min chieh
charlotte and me scouring the katong streets
si ying. gawaff! haha. XIAO JIE, NI YI GE REN?
mel dear and i during youth service! (psst. i bought that banana! novel eh?)
emma and i, we've grown!!

yeah, artard!
friends since primary school. we so rock.
lets DANCE!!!
me emceeing during mid autumn
kim siong, my emceeing partner

OKAY. THATS ALL!:) have a good satuday people!
me, auntie agnes(nurse), kimi, bryce, yiyi(bryce and kimi's mother)
me, ah ma, ah kong
ah ma, bryce, pa, me, ma. do i look like my parents?

BRYCE! and me:)

and then, there was breanna

haha, i've come to realise two very stark characters. the breannas and the loises.


recently, breanna chan qi-min bought the same handphone pouch as me. which goes to show that we have fundamental similarities. however, what happened to the handphone pouches, was shockingly*sigh* different.


MY(lois goh) handphone pouch which doubled as a wallet/coinpurse/proof of merriment(ticket stubs)/hair accessory holder/mini saturday charity sticker album[okay, so i lied, it didn't double up, it pentaed up]anyhow, recently, the zip ran off the groove from the stress of all that bulging mass. those extra shilings had finally taken its toil on the made in china zip.


needless to say, it broke.


now i have a square piece of material that could pass off as a purse, unless you look carefully of course. thats just me, trying to make the things i have into something different and something more. in the process, i sometimes get too carried away that things break. i'm not complaining of course. its after all, just an observation.


breanna's phone pouch is still alive. perhaps not as fully utilised, but happy nonetheless. haha. phone pouches aren't like humans, they don't think so much. therefore, for them to be alive,= happy!:)


and, because, i have no advice to dish out. i advise you to go read "running with scissors". as quoted from a source, its the brady bunch on viagra.


i couldn't agree more.

in a nutshell, this kid's gay and his family's gay in another sense. the whole book's real gay but they gayest bit is when he, a 13 year old has sex with a 33 year old man.

i really do love this book. go read it. my review is "it makes the book, me talk pretty one day, sound sedated and even that book was kick ass, so go and run with scissors NOW."

lois is ghey. GAY!:)

it's shameless

it's shameless, that's what it is. advertisments are shameless! haha, but i'd do it anyway. okay. READ THIS ADVERTORIAL PLEASE.

12th November 2007

PARTY@HomeClub

6pm-late

tickets:$5

ITS FOR CHARITY SO YOU BETTER COME.

plus, i'm emceeing, so come and support me.

okay people, don't say i didn't warn you. it's going to be my 18th birthday in exactly 3MONTHS minus one day's time. that means, 7TH FEB 08 you doofus. well, truth be told, i'm awfully scared. i think that birthdays are like social report cards. if you were nice to people, it'll show.

i don't expect gifts or surprise birthday parties, it's really just not my thing.HOWEVER, i do expect people to remember my birthday because it feels nice to be loved!i love to be loved. :) so, you BETTER remember my birthday or else, i won't speak to you, i kid you not.

i'm turning 18. i need to accomplish something. life is going to reach a milestone, soon enough.

does anybody know the way to "check out"?

"like miso soup, let it settle and it will be clear. "

I LOVE POLY!

for all its shortcomings, I LOVE POLY.

i love the PEOPLE!

i love the MANAGEMENT side of my course(law & mngmt).

i love THE FOOD.

i love the EXPENSIVE TRANSPORT FARES.

i love having to wake up every morning and stress myself over what i have to wear.

i love having to spend breaks by myself.

i love the people who challenge me in linguistics

i love the people who are wrong but try to make me believe i'm wrong

i love poly, have i said that already?

and now, if yes was no. then this post would be wrong.

wouldn't it?

i've no time to lament and be self piteous. i have things to do OUTSIDE of school and no little institution like lovely ol' tpoly is going to bring me down. here's a little advertorial,

VISAKAN WILL BE PLAYING SOLO. please support if you can :)

so, go support him!

recharged

THANK YOU SI YING!!!! si ying cheered me up big time and now, i'm ENTIRELY GAY :) or at least thats what my msn nick says :)

in any case, i feel the load of school off my shoulders. you know how i'm a loner in school, i got so upset in school when the new term started because i felt even more alone than before. however, it was just a momentarily lapse of foolishness and now, i'm a whole lot happier... after getting freaked out by the psycho guy who tried to hit on si ying(or as i suspect, he was trying to hit on the ONE seashell on the beach.HAHAHAHAHAHA)I LOVE EAST COAST! it always makes me happy. east coasts NEVER fails, except once. perhaps?

whatever the case, IT WAS GOOD TO BE IN KATONG!!!!! where i knew all my close friends were/are.

in any case, its time to stop moping and continue with whatever i'm meant to complete...namely, life. okay, this month is going to be absolutely nuts and i really need to have a lot of discipline. mid years are in 4 weeks time. work is in 3 weeks time. projects are due in 2 weeks time. work for the next week. i really hope not to tire myself out but that's really close to impossible, its okay, i trust that God will deliver.

i've already pushed away as many things as i can, or turned down any partaaaye. its time to step up and step out. it's my turn to shine for the lord in any/every way possible.

some may call me fool, some may call me anti-social. you know what, it doesn't really irk me anymore because i have my books and my sanity. above all, i have a best friend and his name starts with J!

this is the song that i've been singing every morning, in all surrender. i give my day unto him.

I am falling to my knees,
I need you Lord to breathe in me.
My prayer is still the same,
My heart is calling out your name.

Sweet anointing fill this place,
I am found in your embrace.

Rain down on me, rain down on me.
Here in your presence I am free.
Pour down like rain,
Come and touch me again,
Lord let your presence fall on me.

I am longing just to see,
Your power and your majesty.

Sweet anointing,
Wash me over.

i think its the action of falling to my knees in all surrender that really stills my heart into submission. yet, besides in being an arbitrary action or feeling, i'm filled with an unspeakable love that just wraps me where no human can substitute.

on a random note though, i thought the pastor was really -_-* on sunday. IT WASN'T ACCURATE! in fact, it was BLASPHEMOUS! and i can't believe the rest of the church nodded in agreement just because he was a charismatic speaker. i nearly ripped andrew's sleeve off because i was tugging so hard. like, every time i heard something inaccurate, i would roar and thrash in silent rebellion. POOR ANDROOL. haha, SERVES HIM RIGHT! he only agreeed with me that the invited pastor was SHADY in his teachings only after a while. YOU SEE?YOU SEE!!!!PFFFT.

okay. thats all. by the way, i love the constitution of the Republic of Singapore, its SO fun.

:)

on a budget

please insert expletive in capital letters --> ________ !

i'm so upset :(

and a random song that i've always loved. i love the lyrics and the total dynamics of the song. classic.



on an even crappier note. my love for the arts vs. my studies.

final showdown? i hate myself.
dear sbs bus 9, please knock me down. thank you.

sybil DID it

2 PARTS TO THIS POST(both dreary nonetheless)

PART 1
okay, i know, this is so rare of me to be so candid about my faith.*caution: LONG post ahead*

i mean, its not like i've denied christ, i've just never worn a sign around my neck proclaiming i'm a christian. it doesn't stop me from letting others know about my religion. i'm just not a conventional evangalist; which over the years, has gained ire from the fellow christians.

you know, non- christians view christians as a bunch of perfect humanoids(redundant in nature no less) with a coat of lusturous, iridescent feathers that prance around synagouges and mosques, condemning other faiths.

well, others think of them as just another religion.. but to put it in the words of a close friend, "christians piss me off". haha, i'm not saying that christians piss ME off, i'm saying they piss HER off. haha. well, enough said, i seek to revise that statement that, i don't think christians piss her off. its the fact that those people pissed her off and they all had something in common, their faith.

you know how i always thought there was a limit to rebellion. its like, yes, i am the silent rebel but i always tread where it still flickers a faint green light. however, recently i've come to realise that there is no limit to rebellion. when derrick quit NUS high school because he thought the people were stupid, i thought he was rather daft for throwing his future away.

now however, i think otherwise. i guess it helps when you're rich. that way, you'd be able to make all these non-institutionalised statements without having to bear the brunt of it, since, if you fail..you'll just go overseas. ah, its not like derrick's not doing well now because he just completed his A levels(took it privately) so now he's working and stuff.

its people like these i commend, brave.

yet, there is a fine line, not only must we smile upon the prodigal son, we must remember those that took the fine path and came out as expected. they're those students that get into the ivy league education system thingy.

then you scream and shout and cry bloody murder that i contradict, since you rightfully believe that success isn't measured by grades or merit.

my question to you: if you so believe so, then why are you still in the paperchase?

1) my parents forced me to
2) i want something to fall back on, its practical
3) i'm not sure i'll succeed if i quit school and do something i love
4) we're in singapore, without results, you have nothing

i've often heard of the 4 options above, ah, what bull.

when i was studying for my o levels(trying to study in any case), i used subjects like pure chem and core history to fuel my creativity. above all, i valued english the most and now, i realise that the one thing that probably saved my life and brought me so much farther than i never thought it could go, is right back where i started. in any case, if you hate studying, find a way to love it.

i usually take the whole duration of my time in the educational institute to love it. its not that i hate the school, i just love the idea of hating the school.ah.

here's a quote,
Education doesn't change life much. It just lifts trouble to a higher plane of regard.
robert frost.

i've always held the words of robert close to my heart.

PART 2

and i digress, what i meant to talk about, was my religion. people close to me know that i'm very VERY private about my relationship with God and how i hate to share about what i've learnt in qt or experienced in the year. when i do share however, i usually get very overwhelmed with all these emotions.i only know that i'm most at ease in the mornings because thats the time i put aside to just catch up with God and the likes.

like," watcha doing, God? at 6am in the morning. but then again God, greenwich+8?"

God never really answers questions like that, i always half expect him to blow my brains for asking such teeny bopper, poseurish questions. He doesn't though, he's tolerant of all my idiosyncracies. then one day, as i just sat meditating, a song came to mind, it was this song running with the influence of it being entirely majestic with trumphets and drums. the words were, needless to say, beautiful. so there i was, just singing to my laptop and half typing/half scrawling the words of the song down. then, i got my song. it was beautiful and i sang it through the day.

i give you, my song.

17th oct 2007

Tame my heart
Still my soul
But let my faith
Burn strong for you

Cos you know whats in store for me
You’ll never ever let me falter
You’ll never let me fall
Even when all hope is lost
Let me know, you’ll be beside me lord

Touch my heart
Bless my hands
And let me do
Your works for you

its just this really short prayer to the lord and on sunday i just broke down from the weight of everything. all my fears and pain,surmounting and rising. my fears about school and whether i would be able to cope with all the law subjects, my fears about health, my fears about family and most of all, my fears about just being here. all unfounded but highly pertinent.

aiyah, i just know that everything will be a. okay.

GOOD BYE! :)

BRILLIANT marketing

it is with great pleasure that i should educate all of you on the wonders of ace marketing and BRILLIANT songwriting. i kid you not. the video that you shall soon watch is what i feel, the pinnacle of musical prowess and vocal dominance. it seeks to annihilate all previous wonders like elton john and cher. this video is greatly revered and will definitely go down in history, presenting...



yes, aren't you just absolutely delighted that you watched such an inspiring video? here, why don't i feed you with an even more brilliant song. where others have faltered in the creativity department, this girl has spearheaded a cross-cultural venture into the world of barbablah streisand and yoko omgno. this song breaks down all barriers and should be the theme song for all martin luther king jr. movements.(not that the civil rights movements should be ridiculed in any way). presenting....



before you pass judgement, let me say one word in fairness. it made you smile right? how bad can things that make you laugh be?

the point of my post today, is that, even when something as annoying as cyndi wang smacks you in the face, if you just take a step back... you'll see that, its actually, quite funny and that, nobody knows that you're feeling annoyed(unless you show it,which is a rather 5 year old thing to do).

this video isn't going to stop playing just because cydi wang pisses you off with her doe eyes (that you feel like gouging out.). you have to press the stop button. so, the next time you want to get angry, take a step back and press the stop button.

goodbye:) *hope you had fun dancing with cyndi wang.HAHA.*

whirlpool of pictures

this is a splash of pictures from an assortment of engagements. hang on, it's going to be a bumpy ride.

tkgs teacher's day 2007. ying, yuyu and i decided to go back to tkg in our old uniforms
us, waiting for more ex tkgians to arrive
sitting at the bottom of the stairs we once raced up in lower sec. ying,yu,shermin and charlene
one of the sec 3 tkgians. i was like, eh, my name! hello, can i take a pic of ur butt?
massie!!! see how much i have to stoop, JUST to reach her height. AWW.
ah bah my dear. the photo is FINALLY up. love love!
shan and the three stooges sitting on the edge of the western stall
1/2 class photo
3/4 (4E6'06 ) LOVES!

before watching hairspray
after having watched hairspray
3quarter of the original baking buddies. nicenose, PEEjie and me
breanna and ryl. church girls. now and FOREVER. forever sounds scary
acjc drama elective exam at the srt. gathering of tkgians and ex tkgians. mich,aini,serena,xuan,mar!

DAPH! looking fab AS USUAL. all e best for A's!
qinling jiejie and i at chat masala, before zhi cong went back to the states.
wear your school uniform day in fairfield methodist church. serene, bre and ryl
nerdo tkgian and pizza hut/fairfield meth sec guy=androol
class photo PLEASE. eee. ugly acs/mgs/plmgss ppl. EEEE

ah, finally. class photo.

OCS social night. minghao&elenna.didn't think i'd meet them there. i went with jin. WE'RE JUST FRIENDS.
jin and i with the good looking couple. *sighs*

good looking couple. greek goddess. guy with vest. me. jin. placing of guy's hand= status of relationship. = i'm so not attached. haha

right, we're done. there you go. PHOTOS. have a nice day. i'm off to school for a dry run. yawn. and by golly, i think i'm running late. that sure is a first. i'm sorry munira dear!!! rain check.

i herald from katong

okay, i'm back after my 9 day cleanse.

i really meant to cleanse myself spiritually but unfortunately, that was not what life had in store for me. i've been vomiting and "diarrhoeaing" these few days, not like anyone would like to read about THAT in detail.

through it all, i've had a revision on the life lesson of determination and perseverence. with determination, i made it to breanna's house, only with the free dinner in mind at the night safari. i'm sure however, that breanna and i were pleasantly surprised when we sat behind mark zee. HE HAS SMOOTH SKIN. and a dirty patch on his right elbow. but, stalkerism aside.. that day ended with a $17 plate of chicken rice.. but that's the singapore tourism board for you huh? exploit the tourists who haven't a clue, they increase our gdp. this is petty revenge for the pollution they cause in the world. the plain enemies of al gore.

ah, on a more arbitrary note, i love it when i sneeze in the kitchen because, that's when i hear my sneeze bouncing off the stainless steel pots and crockery. its like it reverberates for my pleasure. it makes me feel POWERFUL. yes, go forth my minions! and preach about the wonders of stainless steel!

i'm too full of myself.

yet, if you actually think about it, if i'm too humble and perfect, you'd probably hate me(as much as i am bitchy). to have humility instilled is yes,yes, wonderful. think about it this way however, confuscious says that everything should be in moderation. so why not humility?

i would imagine humility to be under the umbrella of everything.no?

different doctrines would argue that we ought to be pure in thought and heart, we ought to be but we will never be. we could always try, yes, but humans were made to make mistakes, so why not do things in moderation and learn from there.

yes?

andandand, i haven't had the time to reply the tags on my previous post so i shall do it here alright?, just a general reply to all the tags.

to charlotte, jialin, munira, emma, aishah,
thankies! love love, that IS me:)
to yici,
the girl in the picture? YES. THAT IS ME.NO, THE CHIN ISN'T WRONG OR ANYTHING COS' IT IS ME. hahahahahahha. aiyoyo!
to kenn and mas AND MUNIRA AND EMMA AND EVERYONE ELSE,
MEET.UP.SOON




i'm so sorry lovelies! pictures WILL BE UP SOON!

paperchase- worth

this is the headshot i'll be using.

my auditions are this sunday. am i prepared? i think not. SCREAM-O! in any case, i feel like ________ <-- insert swear word here. SO, instead of moping around and coming of like such a weakling, i have decided to embark on a 9 day cleanse :)

i shall, write about every day in DETAIL and all this will go towards the betterment of lois goh! :)

also, to some people out there, i know you're going through a rough patch now and feel so damn low. i'm not able to say the right words and soothe your wounds but, here's something that might help alleviate the pain. alright?

and because we must first give thanks, here's my way of saying, thank you.


and next, because people need comfort, this is for you.


corrinne may couldn't have said it any better. i love her but more importnatly, i love her songs. i take at least 3 years to get through her albums because her songs are valid at so many levels.

i hope those out there feeling weary are feeling much better now. okay?

and to the friends i seldom get to meet nowadays, hope promos are fine and prelims went well.

loves,
lois.(see u in 9 days)

i am _______

i am __________ <--- whatever you want me to be

i don't want to upload song lyrics, i don't want to feed you with my poetry, i don't want to bore you with my dreary posts, i don't want to force you to feel guilty after reading my posts.

therefore, i shall just let you watch something and be done with it. rough/bad patch now. i fear that if i write anything here, it might be received negatively. after stephanie phang, i realised that i don't want to lose more friends just because of a moment's folly.



she's so bad at it that it's actually really funny. actually, i think she's quite brilliant, albeit mean at times. you sacrifice humanity for popularity. oh well. and photos will be up SOON.

and then, she appeared

okay, i'm terribly sorry for the recent influx of dreary and pensive posts. and now in response to the people who replied to my previous post, be it through calls, texts, blog comments or blog posts.

THANK YOU FOR SHOWING ME YOU LOVE ME.

its, really appreciated. really.

i'm such a horrible person but like earl, i've almost rectified all my past mistakes. all, except one. i still feel guilty about getting angry with stephanie phang. oh well, i know i won't take down the post because ultimately, thats how i felt that day. but, i should have told steph about it at least.

well, if you're reading this stephanie phang,

i'm sorry.

its not for me to feel any better, i don't suddenly float up to the pedestal just because i've apolgised. its just that, its the right thing to do. once again, i'm sorry and i'll be dropping you an email soon.


today, at the acjc drama elective programme exam showcase, i faced my scariest enemy. dignity and courage. well, admiting my past mistakes and trying to rectify them isn't easy. i'd tell you. and well, here's another issue to consider i suppose. the fact that i faced what was clearly mine and stared at it, courageously rejecting it.

the essence of tonight (faced with the acjc students) :a present, presented to you, beautifully wrapped. you un-tape the sides and remove the paper. the gift inside is beautiful and is perfect in every way, you look at it, and you know you want it. then suddenly, you stare harder, into the middle of the crystal ball and realise how ugly it really is. you wrap it back up and stash it, never to open it, ever again.

today, i wrapped it back up.

will you?

now, a not-so-urgent announcement,

i'm terribly sorry that i haven't been able to post any pics up

I PROMISE THAT PICTURES WILL BE UP

SOON!!!

i love you all my FANTASTIC FRIENDS. terribly contradictory but i don't care. i feel so free!!! whee :) here's a lameo thing for you to consider.(which, if you consider, it's actually quite deep, just in which context. heh)

if your mother was an apple,

and you were a farmer,

would you pluck her from the tree?

TOODLES! :)

green-eyed monster

name someone you know with the help of the alphabet.

A- almaas shazea bte adilfitri
B- breanna chan qi-min
C- charlotte chan chien lin
D- deirdre nah yi yun
E- eliza isa
F- farah bawany bte gulam hussien
G- genim tan
H- halimatus saadiah bte ishak
I- isabella yan minru
J- joelle ho shiyun
K- kathi lynn ong
L- lewina tan
M- melody loy mei ching
N- natasha mano
O- olivia sun yan ling
P- phoebe elizabeth lim pei jun
Q- queenieli kamarudin
R- rehana ayoob
S- si ying (tan)
T- tang liang
U- unnamalai t
V- vivien sng wei yun
W- wendy tan
X- xiao xian tan
Y- yenti maria sobeskia buchanan
Z- zhi xin

name a friend(someone you can be thoroughly truthful with) with the help of the alphabet.

A-
B-
C-
D-
E-
F-
G-
H-
I-
J-
K-
L-
M-
N-
O-
P-
Q-
R-
S-
T-
U-
V-
W-
X-
Y-
Z-

i'm sorry, i don't think i can fill up any of the spaces. i'm still too guarded. and after all the events in this week, i realise that i killed the best thing that ever happened to me. my life. i killed my life.

i'm not sure if you understand but i'm so upset. exams in tp, teacher's day in tkgs, movie with baking buddies, everything just reminded me of how lonely i was. and ppl are going to read this and think, lois is damn self centred and useless but out of propriety, they'll leave a note or something saying that they love me and that we ought to catch up soon just that we have to book a date two years from now or something.

ah, whatever. i'm really upset now and people should learn to pick up their phones.

goodbye, i shall go read the dictionary or something.

pass me a tissue

3 down, 1 to go. so my exams are 75% over and i'm hopping with absolute excitement like a livejournal moodsmiley.

the last paper, computer systems.

kill me, kill me please.

i'm dreading this paper because its like complete bull. complete bull, with names. AND you have to remember all the rubbish names. god help me.

anyway, attention attention ALL TKGIANS, KEN LUI, YICI, MUNIRA, ALL FFMC PPL, all iSOWers, and other sneaky ppl who read this blog but never leave their names(i know you exist cos i found one yesterday.HAHA), PREPARE TO PART WITH 15 BUCKS! cos i'm making you buy a CD and help a charity out.i will HUNT you down.haha.

and now... on a more dreary, sombre, victim of vindictiveness, self piteous and nostalgic note,
i won't be taken in by you again. i'm smarter now, a whole lot smarter.

goodbye:)

my pregnant brain

like a pregnant lady, my brain has a living being in it.

i think they're my thoughts. i feed it, nurture it, from conception to birth.

thats why, i'm damn kuku.

cos i feed it with rubbish, just like those cows who eat meat. yeah, mad cow disease.

and, though i know i should be studying, i've been looking for monologues for an audition, if i ever go for it. haha. my favourite so far, is this. i'm definitely presenting this. the monologue's in bold. happy reading.

(Jeff is tied down to a table, having just been castrated by 14-year-old Hayley. Janelle is a model and Jeff's ex-girlfriend. Donna is a missing teenager who Hayley suspects Jeff of murdering.)

Hayley: All right, uh, I'd cancel any appointments you have in the next few days just because -- you're going to be sorer than you've ever been before.
Oh, and I'd say, in like eight or nine days, take the stitches out, which I suggest you do yourself to save embarassment. Oh and there's this website eunuchsquestions dot com. Eunuchs is e-u-n-u-c-h-s. I had a lot of trouble with that but it gives great advice on how to deal with your castration.
You really -- You don't have to go through this alone, you know?

Um, do you want some souvenirs (holds up his severed glands in two glasses) No? Okay. What should we do with them? We could see how far they bounce. Hm? (opens the door into his backyard) Actually... we wouldn't want, like, a little animal confusing it for an afternoon snack. You know? A little squirrelly or a coyote might get sick and we don't want that, especially with you being such a convervationist. We could grind them up in the garbage disposal.

Or--or we could sew them back in. I had this shop teacher once, who sawed off his thumb in class, and then he grabbed some ice, drove to the emergency room. The next day, sure enough, he has his thumb. Didn't bend so well, but he could, like, hitchhike and stuff.

(turns on the garbage disposal, Jeff winces)

I'm just checking to see if it works. (disposes of them, turning on the garbage disposal again) I guess they weren't, uh, brass. You're not laughing, are you? Well, no wonder. This isn't a laughing matter at all. I don't know. Maybe Donna's smiling just a tad.

Jeff: I didn't do anything to her.

Hayley: Maybe, maybe not. But I suggest you track down the guy who did... 'cause he has no idea what's waiting for him. Here. (offers a glass of water) You really need to rehydrate.

(he turns his head away) Jeff. Please. Come on.
(She pours the water and he drinks, then spits it back at her.)

Hayley: Jeff, I'm serious. You really, really need to drink this, okay? C'mon. (he drinks) Attaboy. Do you want more?

Jeff: Why are you being so nice to me now?
source: http://www.whysanity.net/monos/hardcandy.html

i loved every minute of it. haha, not it being morbid, just the cheery bits.

well, toodles! i'm back to studying -_= <---the state of my eye(s)

macroeconomics- hate it, love it

okay, if you ask me, i really should be studying but i can't.

subject in question: MACROECONOMICS

anyhow, i really hate studying. no, some people say that they hate studying but proceed to mug the night through. those, singaporean liars. yet, i do hate studying. learning, i have no problem with, its the studying that really irks me.

SO, i can't change my external environment,RIGHT?(we learn this in principles of management)
i decided to devise some means of getting information into my head without studying. i think i'm damn brilliant. really clever. freaking genius if you ask me.

the topic at hand today: AGGREGATE SUPPLY (LRAS& SRAS)

in my notes, it says that the long run and short run aggregate supply curve shift to the right when there is..
1)full employment (quantity of labour)
2)increase in capital (quantity of capital)
3)increase in state of technology
and this all makes the potential gross domestic product increase.

so, if you ask me, its highly easy to understand and kind of ninny proof,BUT, NOOOOOOO, we cry fury hell! we need to know the key words and the key reasons. so, here's my way of remembering it.

in a nutshell,

the wRIGHT brothers were these two dudes, Lincoln and Samuel. and becasue of their invention, the aeroplane...
1) this constituted in an increase in technology,like DUH.an aeroplane!(state of technology)

2) leggy pan am air stewardesses getting hired,oh hubba hubba.(full employment)

3) get money for invention and those hot babes start flocking to them (quantity of capital and human capital)

and you think my genius ends here? no, it gets better.

my notes continue on with the causation of the leftward shift in the SRAS
1) increase in money wage rate
2) increase in other resource prices

in a nutshell,

Stuart little married beyonce who sang "to the LEFT to the LEFT" and this miraculously and inadvertantly increased

1)money wage rate (with MTVs like that, how not to increase right?)
2) other resource prices (kids start wasting time on MTV and spending money on potato chips and the like)
* when beyonce decides to divorce stuart (increase in price level), stuart moves to thailand (east,so its right) to look for hot rodent babes (movement along SRAS curve)

okay,i'm not sure if you understand it. but i definitely do and now, i study without studying.

AIN'T I CLEVER?

plus, i got damn annoyed with my computer systems subject cos its damn dry and bleagh so i cut my hair out of frustration. AH!

i now have bangs. hurrah! =.=*

OH, i just thought of another one for aggregate demand this time.

since AD= C+G+I+NX and with an increase in either, will increase the AD which means a rightward shift in the AD curve.

so, in a nutshell

when you demand for love, you shift to the right side of love.
love is like a movie in CGI, if its bad, you'll get an ex(NX)
if its good, you'll get an annexe(NX)

so, all's positive.

GET IT? GET IT? i'm such a genius.

BYEEEEEEEEEEE. i'm off to do money and the banking system. dangit.

family photos

the truth is,

i'm this crayola marker drawn figure, asexually entwined with a crayola marker.

recently,i've been made, erasable. i even come with an attached eraser.

i shall attempt a copperfield and erase myself.

WAH LAH! magnificento.

lois goh has now been erased.

bye, you've been great readers.

cut ribbons

i know this is a complete waste of a post but i'm going to write it anyway.

i think fiona xie has big boobs and if she were to ever start a conversation with me, i'd stare at her breasts instead of her face. seriously, think about it.

she has two eyes, she has two breasts.

would you see an ant or a tomato first?

tomato right? DUH.(unless you're trying to be an immature rebel and come up with some stupid creative answer just so that my answer won't stand.go to another blog,you're not going to feel very welcomed here)

so yes, i rest my case..

(and eyes, on her boobs)

thank you God, for making breasts, especially big ones that fiona xie(comparitively bigger than all those other small chested mediacorp stars)have, and on an international level, pamela anderson. oh, salivates.

i know you agree with me. don't lie.

one of those ratty days

its one of those ratty days where i feel like gnashing out at unsuspecting people. its the fury of not being able to realise enlightenment. no my friends, you don't ATTAIN enlightenment, you REALISE it. and here's something to ponder about if you've got any noodles about you at all.

-13

satisfaction

HAPPINESS= ------------

desires

- 12
are you absolutey thrown into utter desperation and confusion. damn it lois goh, you're such a pain in the ass for making my limp brain think. live with it. you want to read what i've got to say, well try, between the lines.

-11

you know, i've been thinking so much lately that its not even funny. i'll curl up by myself in a corner of the forsaken sports stadium and think. i'll think and think and think some more. sometimes i end up in tears, sometimes i laugh to myself, other times i chuckle in innocent jest. yet, through all these adverse emotions, i find peace.

-10

i am alone but i feel myself in everybody. i feel the pain, joy, sadness, fear and i feel so grounded. i know that every day, a bit of Lois Goh dies. i'm not upset though, in fact i have my own eulogy written out.

-9

lois goh dies, but lois goh lives.

-8

paradox? i think not. its all very simple actually. stop thinking and it'll all come to you. our mind is corrupted with what should be right and what should be wrong. how then, are we to function? should i one day return my brain to its factory outlet form, bursting with knowledge but no preconceptions, will i be ostracised for being a mad woman? or will i shy away from the rest of you, knowing that i'm the only one sane.

- 7

recently,i read this terribly far fetched and utterly ridiculous spiritual book. i hated it, cringed and sulked but still, my eyes opened up to something i never realised before. in that instance, all my thoughts came to a halting stop.

-6

there is no such thing as an ordinary moment. we've searched all our life to be extraordinary in an ordinary world. why don't we just be ordinary in an extraordinary world. why put a measure to what we cannot see but choose to believe in when we can put a measure to what we can see but fail/fear to believe in.

-5

why?

-4

stop asking questions

-3

shred yourself to pieces and walk away.

- 2

move, walk, drink, laugh, talk, smile, breathe

and feel the moments.
-1

and because i've said to much as i intended to type only a line up there,and leave the rest of the post to pictures, here are the pictures. i apologise for rambling. i've been so sick of myself recently, its not even funny. haha. feeble.

-0

lois,is that bus 359? yes joelle,it is.dang!we were taking a photo!!ahhhhh!!!smile!!smile!!!
okay, the successful joelle-lois photo. JOELLE HE SHIYUN! you will be missed missed missed!!!we must kfc again okayokay? google what? come back soon!(though u havent left yet)
my mother. oh, and her daughter. check out our shorts.
under my umbrella..ella..ella..ex tkgians turned temasek ppl. tjc/tpoly
if this photo were to be turned into a venn diagram, lois,yasmin and lubna= drama pals. lois, amanda= 4e6 pals. yasmin, lubna, amanda=tjc peeps. ah, the love.

legal sys/comm presentation. the moment after the horror.
vagrant me. you never know what goes by the corner.
stepping into illusions and out of reality.

and the world just passes you by.

rojak in the library

Dear mind,

how is it uptown? i am terribly sorry that you've not been well rested and running on reserves. its never been an explicit intention of mine to tire you out so..(latent and thoroughly explicit, you may think) you are my mind, are you not?

you've made your eyes close in absolute fatigue, i hate you for doing that. you stifle me when i want to sing my piece and ravage the paper with your grievience and nauces. i am rendered useless when i am disembered and thrown to fend for myself, yet i long to be self sufficient, i long to survive as a seperate entity. i need you, i want you and yet,

i hate you.

i made an aeroplane out of paper but you gave it thought and skilled it in flight. it soared through the room and cut through peoples' thoughts. it massacred the plethora of hopes and replaced it with false faith.

someone with what seemed, as slush for a brain; to society, to the nation, stood up in the way of the flying aeroplane. he stopped it with his head, literally. yet on retrospect, it seemed figuirative from all aspects. i never figured out who, that brave person was. a martyr, a saint or a mere "tall" fool.

the people chatter but they make no sound. those that've spoken are no longer here, they're gone, they've dissappeared and the rest, pay. i haven't any money, i haven't any soul, i've got my freedom but i won't sell it. its mortgaged, it's done. i'm set for life.

yours truly,

hand.

unpaid sabbatical

i felt like going on a sabbatical the other day (because i was jaded with humanity)but my mother would just not hear of it.

ME:
mother, it is with utter regret that i must call on you again and wake you from your slumber. yet, it is something i cannot put off till later lest i run up unpaid debts of stress and fatigue paid duly to my physical health status.

MA:
u still haven't sleep yet ah? why u sound so cheem one? say wrong things, i also wouldnt know.

ME:
i believe in speaking with utmost care and consideration(because i have delusions that i was born of queen elizabeth and not mdm.tan biau ing).anyway mother, i digress. what i MEANT to say, was that, i feel that the ways of the world ail me so and i would very much like to take a break from humanity and reclaim the literary treasures i once lost.i implore you once more to reconsider your previous claim on me not going on leave.

MA:
you lost your treasure? YOU LOST YOUR TREASURE?WHO'S THE BABY'S FATHER?! u want to die arh,huh, ah girl! *mutters a long string of curses*

ME:
by golly, literary treasures ma'am! oh, hohum, you've absolutely no idea what i'm talking about,have you? nevermind then. i'll just go rot in a corner and smile to myself and the wall that stalls me from moving forth into civilization.

AIYAH. THAT WAS A LOAD OF BULL. ACTUALLY..... the converstion went something like this,

me: can i quit school?
ma: why?
me: the people there are smelly and stupid and i can't stand them
ma: then sit, you're not quitting school
me: why? i'm not learning anything anyway
ma: go to school, u dont learn anything at home anyway, at least you go to school, got people help me scold you.
me: orh.okay lor,i'll go
ma: ah girl guai, i cook rendang for you.
me: cool sia.

yeah. thats how normal singaporean families talk.

britney? try chinney spears!

EVERYTIME-
by britney spears

courtesy of LOIS!
(it gets more singlish to the end.beware)

Notice me
(i'm your eternal stalker)
Take my hand
(because i'm 4 and i can't cross the road)
Why are we
(consider fragment revising since this sentence sucks)
Strangers when
(when have you been strangers since you're stalker and stalkee)
Our love is strong
(rubbish.love isn't elephant glue)
Why carry on
(because there's a car at the end of the lucky draw)
Without me
(HAHAHAHA.like anyone wants you)


And everytime I try
(i just can't pee and aim properly)
To fly I fall
(OF COURSE LA!you think you harry potter ARH?)
Without my wings
(humans don't have wings,HELLO! are you schizo or delirious?)
I feel so small
(you're 4.live with that)
I guess I need you baby
(why you need baby? eat the baby then will grow wings and fly meh?cannot leh!)
And everytime I see
(i tell you already mah! you are a stalker lah)
You in my dreams
(nightmare lah ah girl!)
I see your face
(of course see face lah.then you think what?see neh neh ah? bian tai lorh)
It's haunting me
(he say your face ugly lehh.i help you sue for slander?)
I guess I need you baby
(i told you she siao alr)

I make believe
(40 yr old schizo.)
That you are here
(but where ARE you?)
It's the only way
(no lehh. can take TPE and SLE and ECP)
I see clear
(with acuvue daily lenses)
What have I done
(you've done it lor)
You seem to move on easy
(of course lah. people not lame what)

the h(a)i(a)tus hasn't been lifted yet.this is the temporary lapse of bloggerism. heh. you can find updates elsewhere though, go look! funny thing is,i kinda DO like this song.hope you're happy with this post,ying! loves!:)

H(A)I(A)TUS

i will NEVER get the spelling right in spite of all the countless..

"OH MY GOSH LOIS GOH!YOU CAN'T SPELL!ITS LIKE THAT LAH YOU NEH NEH."*then they'll give me an omg lois,you english noob*

EH. english noob. chey.

i'm going on a haitus/hiatus/haitoose/haiterse

so, in order to sustain my ever loyal pool of readers till i get back, here goes a recount of my bloody(no pun intended as you will find out later) mundane life.

*you shall soon be flooded with a wave of singlish and an overload of bad grammar, do not despair.LOIS GOH is still very much the english kid or,the queen of england,so says alexi but thats a different story.we shall commence, no?*

THE TALE OF THE TWO PADS

ME: lets go to giant,i need to get girl girl things

MA: okay,i sho long never go giant alwedy

PA: orh,can lorh

*we reach giant hypermart*

ME: er, bye pa, you can go look at bicycles or something now

PA:wah, like that one.*gives faux pas plea of injustice*

MA: nevermind larh, just let him come along lorh

*the pad aisle is in sight*

ME: ma..the pad..(gets interrupted by excited mother)

MA: AH LOI AH, THE SANITARY PADS ARE HERE!(in absolute hysterics, like finding pads would render the whole rendel commission to research and theorise about its whereabouts)

PA:eh, got wings?(now that, was really uncalled for but funny in any case)

*we proceed to forage the aisle for the best pad*

ME:(thoroughly embarrassed)er, i think i'll just get this one(proceeds to shuffle away quickly)

MA:how come you don't want that one?got flower one.

PA: eh, made in china ah.

*preparing to pay*

ME:can we go?*on the verge of embarrassment meltdown*

MA: eh!see this. special pad! got chinese medicinal herbs at the bottom of pad (proceeds to sniff the box of pads)

PA: eh, green colour.cool man!

*still preparing to pay*

ME:can we please go and pay up now?*melted from embarressment and evaporated/ recipated many times over by now*

MA: wait! i want the no wing one!(still sniffing them kotex and whisper boxes)

PA: i want wings one

*STILL preparing to pay*

ME:(doesn't bother to hurry them, just takes the social 0.19 and shoots temple,social suicide i swear)

MA:I FOUND THE NO WING ONE!but so short arh!leak how?

PA:ee.no wing.cannot fly

*FINALLY goes to pay*

the three of us walk to the cashiers, me in front with my parents in tow. another exciting misadventure in the life of goh leyu lois.

oops, and i digress. i meant to analyse the pads but nevermind.i think this is more entertaining. its not funny or anything but it amused me a lot. most of the conversation is fabricated anyway but the gist is there.i just refined it for viewers' pleasure.

and and and lois goh! these are some things you ought to do!

#1- catch up with JOELLE!MUNIRA! KENLUI!SI YING! MAS!CHAR!MIN!SIXERS!MARK(and all the other gepers)! JC PEOPLE!!!

#2- STUDY for end sems!

#3- church/school/pace/slo/everything else

#4- pom/csa/econs

#5- get a life dear!

and as usual, a splash of photos to supplement my impending leave.

my FIRST photo EVER with joostin

a small fraction of the ffmc youth
lao gong and i in our HAPPY house:)

the trio:) cheryl lois bre !!!

have a nice day. i leave you with my dory face

percentage shizzles

40%=60%

expound.

I'm very disappointed in you Lois Goh.

60%=80%

goal.

mop up my blood HOR!

=.= my eyes are about to close with absolute fatigue.

sometimes, i feel that i'm going to die. sometimes, i feel like killing myself.no, i'm not this emo kid who wants to commit suicide. as in, its not like i'm unhappy with anything that i have and want to kill myself over. no, its really nothing like that. its more like, i really do feel like killing myself. its the state of being and suspended affairs that push me so. ai, i'm sometimes so sure that i'm going to kill myself that its not even funny. i think its my diet. healthy body, healthy mind. my mind can't be very healthy if i feel like killing myself or thinking about what's going to kill me soon, all the time.

ah, i shall eat healthier food.

i don't know how i manage to function sometimes. with my mind always in turmoil,i sometimes have momentary lapses when i can't control myself and really am on the verge of killing myself. it is times like these that i really fear for my safety and others. i don't want to die and definitely not die by my own blade. its strange how people want to die but can't and others don't want to die but can.

okay, i'm sorry that i sound sombre and all. i'm not, its just that i have thoughts that i ought to plough through lest they prove lethal to people within 5m radii of loisgoh when she runs amok bandishing a rusty parang so that at least if i dont die from blood loss and internal bleeding,i'd die of tentanus.

hurhur. lois, you're so funny. hurhur

and to think that this isn't a satire of sorts. i'm feeling bloody jaded that the world doesn't even feel real or perhaps it feels too real. i forget, the vision is murky.

please uninstall the programme, sorry, cannot.

shoot me then give my eulogy, mercy killings. i am appeased.

bathe in the blood of your woes and i shall be cleansed.

famine in sudan

1+1=2
no. its never that simple.

i could think and ponder but i'll never get it right.

it'll always be something like,

1.000+1.000=2.000

what's the difference?

you tell me.

i could try,but i'll never escape it.it'll never be erased so stop trying.

would you erase me?

list down eleven things you want to say to eleven different people, don't reveal who they are :-stolen from shazea

in no order whatsoever,and i shall be as blatant as can be so that you WILL know who you are and if you don't,then i'm sorry you're so stupid.

#1 no matter how silent i may be, no matter how we never talk anymore,no matter how distant we may be,WE'RE STILL FRIENDS. i cried when i read your e-mail yesterday.i had no idea you sent me the email till yesterday and WE ARE STILL FRIENDS! always have been, always will be. our friendship is very silent but i think we can pick up where we left off if circumstance allows.I LOVE YOU DEAR AND I MISS YOU LIKE CRAZY!stupid temasek academy,take you away from me :(

#2 i hate you so much that i feel like killing you.yet, when i'm over the hate,i love you like crazy and you'll never read this but when i hate you,i really do but when i love you,i really do too.you're a fcuking bitch and we all know it.

#3 my friendship with you is one of the things i thank God for every day. the two of us have gone through and survived so much together, and even though others are involved in both our lives now, i hope things never change. you will always be my best friend. singapura,oh singapura,sunny island...*winks*

#4 you're a dear friend to me and you stood by me even when i ranted out at everybody.you helped me through with your patience and good nature. you've been a pillar of strength to me in the o level year and you've grounded me when all i wanted to do was fly away and explode. and, i love your lemak and sunshine!

#5 you're damn weird but thats why we became best friends n sec 4,i wish you all the best with your new guy.we'll always be bound by the brown hair tie rubber band thingy and even though we may disagree on some things,i hope our friendship's grounded.

#6 time,our greatest stumbling block and a certain cherry.i'm not sure how the future's spanned out but i know we'll always be best friends forever. the person i run to when i'm down and out,the person i run to when i need a prayer.thank you for being my friend and confidante.i am thankful for the absolute fluke of fate. fluke?i somehow doubt it. don't you?

#7 thanks for always keeping me in mind and inviting me to your band practices.i DO treat you as a friend and i hope you treat me as a friend too. thanks for the shirt,LOVE the name printed on it and and and i hope i can be one of the 63 contacts that you talk to no?

#8 i remember the time when we used to go to school at unearthly hours just to beat the morning rush and take stupid pontianak videos.REMEMBER?well, you did it. i just laughed. thanks for cheering me up and making me smile whenever i felt like killing SOME people HOR? haha, don't get too stressed up in mj and LEAVE SOME TIME FOR US TO CATCH UP PLEASE!

#9 batam and ginseng. we've come a LONG way. i think you push my stupidity to alarming limits and though i always poke fun at you,i do care about what happens in your life. i don't know why actually but,i do. heh. its rather interesting.thanks for being my friend.we still need our economically legal co-operation so, STAY IN TOUCH!

#10 words undermine but just know that you're never far from my mind and i want to tell you so many things but i'm still so guarded. i'm sorry.here's to the highway code and many good things to come. cheers!thanks for being my friend,and more.

#11 you've been there for years.12 years to be exact or maybe a little less. we see each other once a week. we've weathered many quarrels and lots of fights,it being my fault most of the time for being petty. i'm sorry dear and i love your haircut no matter what people say.its cute! here's to many more years k?best sunday friends forever!

and not so blatantly...

#1 please stop being so superficial

#2 stop lying to people before karma rears its ugly head you bloody asswipe

#3 you're a damn pain in the ass and a terrible trouble maker

#4 stop thinking that everything's directed at you cos,its not.

#5 stop being so self righteous,its disgusting and STOP telling people you're pretty and all that shit because they'll soon realise you may be pretty but to me, you'll never be beautiful and STOP telling people you know me. i don't care if you're pretty and you have society's unsaid right to exploit it.i DON'T give a shit.

#6 well there's no way to get around it and no other way of saying it .. you will probably never read this, and i know you doubt it sometimes; but the simple truth is that i love you .. i love you.

#7 i don't know what the hell you're doing with your life. i don't understand why you've been doing the things you have. i don't agree with the decision you've made, and i think you'll live to regret it. i'm disappointed in you, i thought you were smarter than that.

#8 i don't know why you've suddenly been so friendly to me. methinks i smell a rat.

#9 if i could turn back time i would have made it so that our friendship never changed.

#10 stop sleeping around and playing with girls

#11 for all its worth,i'm glad you came into my life though i hate you

p.s.i "koped" some lines from mas. SORRY DEAR but it was EXACTLY what i was feeling enh?i love you you bitch! and u're in my blatant list.loves!

Friends are the people you feel safe around because you know they care about you. They call just to see how you are doing, because a friend doesn't need an excuse. They tell you the truth, the first time, and you do the same. You know that if you have a problem, they are there to listen.

Friends are the people who won't laugh at you or hurt you, and if they do hurt you they try hard to make it up to you. They are the people you love, regardless of whether you realize it.Friends are the people you cried with when you got rejected from colleges and during the last song at the prom and at graduation. They are the people that when you hug them, you don't think about how long to hug and who's going to be the first one to let go.

They stick with you and stand by you. They hold your hand. They watch you live and you watch them live and you learn from them. Your life is not the same without them.koped from yane.

hippos are so hip

i found the link to my first blog the other day. i thought it was rather cute and i hated the fact that everyone was swarming around blogger,so being the anti-establishment,i want to be different freak i was,i went the xanga path.

www.xanga.com/medicatedcalculator

okay,i've always been odd.

anyway, this song's been speaking to me A LOT recently

WHO AM I

Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I?
That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wandering heart.

Bridge:
Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.

Chorus:
I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.

Who am I?
That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again.
Who am I?
That the voice that calmed the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me.

Bridge&Chorus 2x

I am yours.

Whom shall I fear?
Whom shall I fear?
'Cause I am yours.
I am yours.


i was brushing my teeth that day(yes,i actually DO brush them though i never did for the first 11 years of my life.waste of time and energy) and i was just looking at the sink because basically,there's nothing much to do when you brush your teeth except walk around the house and into the living room where interesting shows are being screened(but my mother's been scolding me for walking around the house with a toothbrush in my mouth and toothpaste all around my house) and i digress.ANYHOW, a beetle crawled out of the sink.


looking at the beetle,i said to it "go back down there where you BELONG". thinking back, i wonder why i said what i said. who was i to tell the beetle to return to where it BELONGED and grant me this but i was absolutely digusted with myself that i'd use the word "belong".who was i to judge if the beetle belonged in the sewers or up in sunny singapore?


AYE?


well,that's chicken soup for the soul 101 i guess.


anyhow, i realise that i'm really feeling the brunt of all my committments and i'm not just talking about it being physically draining but more so,to the mind and spirit. you know how iris chang shot herself?sometimes when you delve deeper into a topic,you realise that the ugliness overwhelms you such that it arrests your mind and shoots it at point blank but your brain doesn't splatter across the white washed walls. instead,a dull dud just falls upon your already jaded and dusky demeanour.


then, you don't know where you're walking to,you don't know where you're going, you don't understand the ground you step upon,you stumble, you fall because your thoughts are faraway and nobody understands. everyone thinks its a by-product of blatant "blurness"but its not. its not. hello derek!how's the hair? okay,arbitrary intrusion. continuing, you lead the life of an unfocused mind and you know its unhealthy but you can't help it.


you just, can't.


WHAT'S EATING GILBERT GRAPE?


i'm totally gone today so i apologise if you've no clue as to what i may be talking about.


i declare today the start of my YOKO ONO PHASE.BEWARE!:)


and the day won't be complete without a photo

psycadellic thoughts for a lesser life.

and i hate you.i really do.so,go away.go,away.

ferns and foxgloves

fairies or as i know them now, faeries, have always been a big part of my life at one point or another.

when everyone was dressing up as queens, princesses or dreadfully commercialised prissy fairies that everyone adored,here i was in my forest fairy get-up. the real deal,my friends.as much as i adored those prissy commercialised blonde fairies in all their crowning glory,they felt too perfect for me. true perfection is only found in imperfection,no?

it was all a lie,i thought to myself. there was no such thing as fairies. i thought; i was five,young and impressionable.its something that adults made use of,capitalise on and monopolise the children entertainment trade with.(gosh,it sounds like a kiddy porn ring)


well,i hated the fact that i was being lied to about fairies and all but i figured that there's probably no smoke without a fire so i ventured out into the woods. i used to live in this cul-de-sac just by a willowy forest.it was nothing much but my neighbours and i would spend hours in the forest playing with the shrubs and dancing around toadstool rings,our voices intertwining with each other and spiralling up,up into the open and freedom of it all,finally completing our absolute carefree ways with a burst of energy,causing the birds in the trees to sit up and disperse into the afternoon sky.

we would attempt to build treehouses and swing from tree roots. yet,it never came to fruitition but material goods were never meant to last.it was the memories that i took away from it all.then we'd collapse in a pile of soggy leaves,trying with utmost futility to mimic those american dreams of landing in a pile of crisp autumn leaves.(not going to happen in australia,its too damp.well,perth at least)

then we would talk about our dreams as the night began to set in and our lost hopes. they spoke about the hope of parents getting back together and nanas coming back to life.i knew none of this.i was 5.the youngest of the pack,and asian. i just nodded and agreed to stay in-sync. yet,i dreamed and wished that my days of true happiness and fun would never stop. there is a line seperating reality and ficiton.before i was 7,i lived in the reality of life itself with room for dreams and an imagination dripping and saturated with fiery passion.after i turned 7, i lived a life of fiction with dreams of reality sometimes knocking on my door.

it was then,that i realised. we were the fairies all along. the guardians of our own dreams and thoughts.its all about choices and motives?

this,is why i love fairies. i am,my own fairy.

fairy=fair-y?

in life,nothing is fair except us,to ourselves. and y are we fair?because we make our own choices. therefore,i urge you all to think twice before brushing off a childhood dream/escapade because there's always something rooted deeper. its just that, we've never known how to express it as a child.now that i